Off day? Or just Monday?

I'm not panicking yet, but today I just seem to be...off. I am having a hard time getting through some problem solving at my job, and considering that pretty much IS my job, it is concerning. Today, I'm just chalking it up to not getting enough sleep last night, which I attribute entirely to GTA V, and napping during the football games. So, we'll see.

Unsurety

So today, and a little bit of last night my first doubts about this whole medication thing have crept up. Possibly because I had a bunch of bad for me food last night, and pigged out a little. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with anyway. I do feel a little bit more even keeled still though, just a little more worried about putting myself out there. However, it doesn't feel like the end of the world right now, so maybe it is helping a little bit. Anyway, that's all I have about that.

I've been thinking about the solstice race again for next year. I am really excited about it, and I want to get the details planned out. I'm also dreaming of asking Matt Mira to come along with us since Jeremy Clarkson is his 'Jesus' according to the Nerdist podcast from SDCC this year. I think it would be fun for him to film it, and I know it would be fun to have him along at least. Just not sure how to ask. I've conversed with him on social media before, but I don't want to bother him. I'm still trying to figure out when to go where, other than the night of the 21st. I suppose I should just talk to the rental companies for the cars to figure out my best options. I'd really love a 458, but I don't think spending $2500 for a day and 50 miles is the best plan. Plus, if Matt Mira joins us, we'd need more than a 2 seater.

Anyway, still adjusting to this whole thing.

Day 3

I'll eventually get more creative with the post names, but for now this is the best I got. Today is the 3rd day I've been on the meds. So far I can't really tell a difference, last night I had a terrible headache, well it kind of lasted all day. I've had them before and they basically come from my neck resting wrong on my pillow at night. I can feel the tension down in to my shoulders. It felt a little bit better after drinking water, but never really went away, and it did get worse until I took 3 tylenol at dinner, and then 3 more before bed.

However, that isn't why I am writing today. Today I got a call from the doctor's office, they'd gotten my results back from the blood test, it does turn out I have the low of the T. Which actually makes more sense than the depression pills, other than I've felt down and such for a long time now, off and on for decades really. So, they put me on some of the androgel, so we'll see how that works.

On the upside, we think we found out why my wife started reacting to her wedding rings. Also, I need to contact the CHP.

Day 0.5

Awake at 0442, probably because I had a lot of caffeine for dinner (2 big glasses of Cherry Coke) and 2 big drinks at lunch. I don't have a headache though, and my brain seems awake, not racing thoughts or anything, just awake. The body is begrudgingly following along, albeit a little more slowly. I watched a 4 minute video on the Bay Bridge being built, and foolishly read some comments, checked the blogs, got to the bottom of my twitter feed, and some other things. OK, yeah maybe my brain is really awake and I'm just trying to keep it busy. I do feel warm, I think I will go get some water, and sit downstairs in the comfy chair and see if I can sleep some more or something. Check in with you later.

Darkness will not take me

To continue the solar/darkness theme, this past week I think I finally got low enough and realized I need help. I was terrified, and through the help of my wife, I made it through, but we're both tired of fighting it. So, Thursday I had an appointment with my doctor to talk about my ongoing depression and what we can do about it. I've been hesitant and resistant to medication in the past, claiming a general lack of understanding by the medical community of how the human brain works, so why mess with the chemistry?

I was a little hypocritical though, since I was taking 3 medications for my strange itchy skin/allergy reaction, so my general hesitance toward drugs seemed outdated. Then, almost a year ago, someone I look up to a lot, and oddly enough especially when it comes to mental health and self esteem talked about his experiences and it really made me think a little bit differently about the whole deal. So, here 1 year later now and I'm getting ready to take my first dose of Lexapro, under the care/instruction of my doctor. I'm a little nervous, a little anxious, and a little worried. I am looking forward to feeling better though, so I am looking to get started.

In the coming month I'll be using this spot to help track my reactions and such to the medication, so if it gets a little weird, don't worry. Thanks for all your help.