End of Year wrap-up

All right then. I've told my boss and a couple co-workers, and a few friends about this, so now it has to happen for sure. I have my letters written to Brandon Marshall Foundation advising/inquiring about how to proceed and my intentions, I just need to get them sent. I think I'll wait until the fervor of the holidays settle down.

Oh, sorry, now reading through my posts, I haven't made exactly clear my intentions. Right.

Summer Solstice 2014 I'm driving the Pacific Coast Highway in California between sunset the 21st of June from the Santa Monica Pier and sunrise at the Golden Gate Bridge on the 22nd of June. I'm calling it 'Finding A Way Through the Dark' (working title anyway) because the PCH is one of the best roads to drive for views and general road loveliness. I will be driving in the dark, thus negating most of that beauty, and simulating/demonstrating what it is like to have a mental illness. I'm doing it because the mission of the Brandon Marshall Foundation aligns with what I feel is the root of a lot of our 'social' problems these days; bullying, sexual abuse, domestic abuse and suicides often stem from mental illness in some way or other, but here is the language from the Foundation's site:

The Brandon Marshall Foundation is devoted to raising awareness for mental illness and help others gain access to the resources that they need to recover. Our mission is to partner with leading mental health charities and service providers to:

• SPREAD THE WORD about mental illness which effects 1 in 4 individuals
• FIGHT STIGMA that for so long has been unfairly tied to mental illness
• EDUCATE people so they know the facts about mental illnesses, which are very treatable
• ADVOCATE for public policy solutions to support our cause
• PROVIDE RELIEF to those individuals who are suffering through connecting them with organizations and institutions where they can receive the care they need
• BRIDGE THE GAP between patients, clinicians, and the public, and
• CHANGE the face and the future of mental health so that those who have suffered in silence, who spent years of their lives feeling trapped by their own emotions, and who once thought that they had reached a place beyond hope will have the opportunity to build a better life for themselves

The Brandon Marshall Foundation

Hello and Goodbye October

Wow, almost a month between posts again. I don't have anything to say, I'm doing well, the medicine seems to be working. Could it be better? Sure, but it has already been an improvement, and before it was much much worse. My head is filling with ideas, need to get the motivation to get them started. Stay tuned.

Off day? Or just Monday?

I'm not panicking yet, but today I just seem to be...off. I am having a hard time getting through some problem solving at my job, and considering that pretty much IS my job, it is concerning. Today, I'm just chalking it up to not getting enough sleep last night, which I attribute entirely to GTA V, and napping during the football games. So, we'll see.

Unsurety

So today, and a little bit of last night my first doubts about this whole medication thing have crept up. Possibly because I had a bunch of bad for me food last night, and pigged out a little. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with anyway. I do feel a little bit more even keeled still though, just a little more worried about putting myself out there. However, it doesn't feel like the end of the world right now, so maybe it is helping a little bit. Anyway, that's all I have about that.

I've been thinking about the solstice race again for next year. I am really excited about it, and I want to get the details planned out. I'm also dreaming of asking Matt Mira to come along with us since Jeremy Clarkson is his 'Jesus' according to the Nerdist podcast from SDCC this year. I think it would be fun for him to film it, and I know it would be fun to have him along at least. Just not sure how to ask. I've conversed with him on social media before, but I don't want to bother him. I'm still trying to figure out when to go where, other than the night of the 21st. I suppose I should just talk to the rental companies for the cars to figure out my best options. I'd really love a 458, but I don't think spending $2500 for a day and 50 miles is the best plan. Plus, if Matt Mira joins us, we'd need more than a 2 seater.

Anyway, still adjusting to this whole thing.

Day 3

I'll eventually get more creative with the post names, but for now this is the best I got. Today is the 3rd day I've been on the meds. So far I can't really tell a difference, last night I had a terrible headache, well it kind of lasted all day. I've had them before and they basically come from my neck resting wrong on my pillow at night. I can feel the tension down in to my shoulders. It felt a little bit better after drinking water, but never really went away, and it did get worse until I took 3 tylenol at dinner, and then 3 more before bed.

However, that isn't why I am writing today. Today I got a call from the doctor's office, they'd gotten my results back from the blood test, it does turn out I have the low of the T. Which actually makes more sense than the depression pills, other than I've felt down and such for a long time now, off and on for decades really. So, they put me on some of the androgel, so we'll see how that works.

On the upside, we think we found out why my wife started reacting to her wedding rings. Also, I need to contact the CHP.

Day 0.5

Awake at 0442, probably because I had a lot of caffeine for dinner (2 big glasses of Cherry Coke) and 2 big drinks at lunch. I don't have a headache though, and my brain seems awake, not racing thoughts or anything, just awake. The body is begrudgingly following along, albeit a little more slowly. I watched a 4 minute video on the Bay Bridge being built, and foolishly read some comments, checked the blogs, got to the bottom of my twitter feed, and some other things. OK, yeah maybe my brain is really awake and I'm just trying to keep it busy. I do feel warm, I think I will go get some water, and sit downstairs in the comfy chair and see if I can sleep some more or something. Check in with you later.

Darkness will not take me

To continue the solar/darkness theme, this past week I think I finally got low enough and realized I need help. I was terrified, and through the help of my wife, I made it through, but we're both tired of fighting it. So, Thursday I had an appointment with my doctor to talk about my ongoing depression and what we can do about it. I've been hesitant and resistant to medication in the past, claiming a general lack of understanding by the medical community of how the human brain works, so why mess with the chemistry?

I was a little hypocritical though, since I was taking 3 medications for my strange itchy skin/allergy reaction, so my general hesitance toward drugs seemed outdated. Then, almost a year ago, someone I look up to a lot, and oddly enough especially when it comes to mental health and self esteem talked about his experiences and it really made me think a little bit differently about the whole deal. So, here 1 year later now and I'm getting ready to take my first dose of Lexapro, under the care/instruction of my doctor. I'm a little nervous, a little anxious, and a little worried. I am looking forward to feeling better though, so I am looking to get started.

In the coming month I'll be using this spot to help track my reactions and such to the medication, so if it gets a little weird, don't worry. Thanks for all your help.

tl:dr means Please read

So, the too long didn't read portion of this program: I'm planning to race the sun on the Summer Solstice in 2014, from Santa Monica Pier in Santa Monica, CA to the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, CA using only State Highway 1, the Pacific Coast Highway. I'm doing it because I'm a fan of Top Gear, a fan of cars, of driving, and I'm powered by the sun.
I began watching Top Gear (UK version) late in 2012, after we got satellite TV for our new house. There have been many fantastic races during the run of the show, but really only one I thought I could take on. I also want to do it to raise awareness for an organization called Stand for the Silent, for raising awareness, and to bring in a new day in an amazing way. Help me spread the word!

Some say...

I am NOT the Stig, nor have I ever really been on a racetrack behind the controls of any vehicle. I've always loved driving though, and in my youth would get in my car and drive just to see where I ended up. Truly, youth really is wasted on the young. In the past year or so, I’ve watched several episodes of BBC's Top Gear program, a ‘pokey motoring show’ where they review cars sometimes in a serious tone, and sometimes not as much. There have been several ‘Car vs. ‘races during the run of the program, and I was inspired by episode 6 in series 16 with Jeremy Clarkson's race against the sun (God) in a Jaguar XJ (the supercharged version, naturally).

He races the sun on the summer solstice from the westernmost point in England, Land’s End, to the easternmost point, Lowestoft. Although unclear how long the journey actually took him, or how far he went, but Google maps show the trip the way Jezza appeared to take it would take 7 hours and 50 minutes, and go over 430 miles. The length between sunset and sunrise that year on that night was 7 hours 22 minutes, so he supposedly already had a 28 minute deficit to overcome. Like most television shows, he was successful, and with some possible creative editing, just barely so, due to some apparently poorly timed red lights and traffic. None the less, it was a fantastic achievement, and it looked like a whole lot of fun, due in great part to the Jaguar and the driver, but driving past Stonehenge during the solstice, even though it would be during the dark of night sounds like a lot of fun.

The week before the solstice in 2013 I had the idea to drive from my home here in the center of Iowa to somewhere within a ‘competitive’ range on the solstice. Adopting the solar theme, I searched for nearby towns or cities with an appropriate name. I came across Sun City, Kansas, a very small, yet typical looking Midwestern town, with not much going on, if the satellite images are to be believed. I also wanted to try and drive across the state of Iowa on the solstice, but given that the westernmost and easternmost points were only about 6 hours apart, and since Iowa is a little further south than jolly old England, the shortest night is about 9 hours therefore not presenting much of a challenge.

I tried to think bigger. I started looking for the best places to see a sunset, and a sunrise. The first few that got my attention were Santa Monica pier in California, and then a sunrise over the Grand Canyon in Arizona, and the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. There may be some west coast bias in my research there, but it is only because ever since getting to Los Angeles in 2010 for a concert, I’ve wanted to go back so much.

The point of all this is that I've decided that I am going to drive from Santa Monica Pier (specifically Moohmat Ahiko Way, which if you look it up, it isn't a person like you'd usually suspect, it means 'Breath of the Sea' in the local Native American language of Shoshon) to Marine Drive, near Fort Point or the Golden Gate Pavilion in San Francisco, California. I'll leave June 21st from Santa Monica, and drive along the Pacific Coast Highway (Highway 1) the entire way. I've read that some portions of the road can be closed at times due to construction, damage, and rockslides, or fog, let alone some of the coastal spray and weather that might come along. That night the sun will set over Santa Monica at 20:08 local time, and then rise over San Francisco the next morning at 05:48, giving me 9 hours 40 minutes of night to travel in, and the trusty Google shows that the route I've chosen will take 9 hours and 27 minutes, which represents a slim 13 minutes of 'cushion' there versus Jeremy’s deficit of double that. I'll be fighting the legendary traffic of Los Angeles and Malibu for the first section, along with the forces of nature along the Pacific coast and the geological and oceanic forces involved. Plus, it is a journey 2 hours longer than Mr. Clarkson's, yet only 30 more miles. I would blame our slower speed limits, since I’m unsure if Google Maps takes in to account the bendiness of the road (other than complete distance).

So, why do I want to do this? At first it was just because I could, and I wanted to, and it sounded fun. I don't have a 'pokey motoring show', or worldwide attention. I'm not even really doing it for the attention, just that I love to drive. However, a feeling has come over me lately that I should do it and involve some sort of charity somehow. I wasn’t sure which to go with at first, but then I attended an anti-bullying rally for the central Iowa chapter of Stand For the Silent, and heard Kirk Smalley give a message. Before going to the rally I admit I was a bit skeptical about the whole thing, I even may have mentioned I felt I was being ‘bullied’ in to going to it. Then I heard the man speak about losing his son, and something just hit me. I’d had this trip on my mind of course, and doing it for a cause, but at the time, the two just clicked. I have had my own problems with bullying, depression, and feelings of unworthiness, and through doing this hopefully I can get some attention focused on a big problem in our schools and with our children by doing this. It may sound a little cheesy, but I don’t think of this race as racing the sun any more, it is more about conquering the darkness, and getting through to another day. And if you can get through one more day, it will get better. More on this later.

To satisfy the history nerd in me, it will be the 50th anniversary of the renumbering of roads in California. Not a big deal, but it unified what we now know today as the Pacific Coast Highway or PCH, and gave the world a great road to travel on. I’m still in the early planning stages, kicking around the idea of maybe doing an indiegogo type thing, or the like. Watch this space for updates, or follow me on your social media of choice, as long as it is either Twitter or Google+.