This is what the sun looks like when it is embarrassed by a human:
I know it isn't nice to call names, but the Sun lost. Ya lost! Beaten by a puny mortal. Though the E-class had a lot to do with that. A lot. And my copilot/navigator Kirsten (ShamRock). But not least of all, all my supporters and friends around the country. I was doing this for myself, and everyone out there that suffers from a mental illness either in themselves or adjacently like my wife. Just know that you can do it, it does get better. I thought it was curtains for us in the mountains and bridges since it was so dark and the roads were so aggressively against us. I'm completely sold on an E-class though. That thing powered through, took the punishment of the turns, and gave us a little fun going through the tunnels and such. All in all a good time.
I have had this countdown going now for a few weeks, or months if you count, but as far as the frequency ramping up, it was just recently. However, probably just as long if not longer, someone else I know has been counting down to this day. My adopted-niece in law, Ashleigh. Today is her wedding day, and that is where my wife will be, as well as my heart. The best of wishes to you both, Ashleigh and Colin, may you have many happy days ahead, and if you want to know the secret to having a long happy marriage, just have gratitude and trust in each other. It goes a long way. Congratulations!
I don't dislike traveling but traveling with other people that I don't know, like central Iowans, makes it a chore. Then the hidden lane at security that the woman behind me just had to get in front of me for tends to sour the whole experience. Oh well. The scout team is in place, and the package is ready to be delivered. Good thing I'm blogging this and not saying it out loud.
Tonight I get on an aeroplane, definitely can't take a fast train since those don't exist in the United States really. We can't be bothered.
Check in, meet up with ShamRock, get some sleep, get the car, piddle around with the toys on the car and around L.A. then head to the pier to get this whole thing started. January, or last June seems so far away when I started planning this thing. It will be so weird to have it all come together.
I'm open to suggestions of what to do in San Francisco after I get there. Preferably stuff that's open early in the morning. I'm trying to connect with a friend who is also heading to the Sunshine State around the same time as me, but we'll see. It's a big place.
Don't forget to check out my Google+ Hangout (Live! or OnAir!) from the Santa Monica Pier before we get started driving, here. Let me know if the link doesn't work or you can't see it. You may need to have a Google account to use it, or know someone who does. Hopefully we have decent data coverage for most of the trip, though since it will be ocean-road-mountain for much of the trip, I'm not holding out hope for much. Now, for your entertainment and trip down some nostalgia lane:
We got our mani/pedi on Monday, so now they are all smooth and ready for paint. We're in the phase of the process where I'm making sure everything is prepped and ready to go. I'm getting emails from the hotels and car companies about my 'upcoming trip'.
Meanwhile this has been the longest week ever at work.
So, enjoy a 'before' picture of my fingernails!
Then later tonight, my wife and nieces will be applying the #CrazyStigmaGreen to these babies. Watch this space for updates on that!
Days to go that is. Getting stuff ready to go, packed, cleaned and stowed away for the trip. Need to spend some quality time with the wife, so this will be short. What do I think of when I think of the word or number three?
No idea, actually. There were four Ghostbusters, so I should have used that yesterday. So, let's have some fun with distance from the lens and perspective! Hammond is shorter, but not hobbit sized like he looks below:
There we go, the three chaps who sort of inspired this idea in the first place, but really, Brandon Marshall is the purpose.
Yeah, you guessed it, this is for 4 days until we drive. We've made our goal, which is such a hugely awesome thing. Monday night I have my manicure and pedicure scheduled so I can get my color on my toes from my wife, and hopefully get them painted some time this week. Watch this space for videos and photos from that!
Last night, some real doubt crept in to my head, it's been a while since I've done the long haul drive thing. The last time was a somewhat honor and hormone driven launch to Tulsa, OK and back in the same day to pick up a roommate. That was about 14 hours, and it was in my much less comfortable but just as much fun Nissan 240SX, but about 14 years ago also. I remember seeing a lot of deer, since I left before sunrise from up here in Iowa, which I'm hoping I won't see many of those on the road along the coast. My biggest fear are rocks, and well, larger animals. I'm not going to worry about it though, since what will happen will happen, we have a safe vehicle and a plan.
Once again, thank you everyone for busting past my goal, we don't have to stop here though, every bit helps the Foundation. And now from the four winds:
I'm writing to you now from the comfort of my recliner in my living room. In five days, hopefully I'll be writing to you all from the comfort of a hotel in San Francisco after beating the sun there. A few days ago, I got a Father's Day surprise that was most welcome. No, not that...I got enough donations to make and surpass my goal. I'm amazed, humbled, and awestruck. I can't really describe how awesome and happy it made me, especially since the penultimate donation came from my own mother! I should have known better to tell her how close I was to my goal, because that was exactly what she sent me. She's good like that.
Even though it put us over the top, we couldn't have gotten there without everyone. So, to all of you I wish you a virtual high five, until I can see all of you and give you one in person. Or, if you prefer, a hand hug!
By this time next week, my copilot (ShamRock) and I will have made it to San Francisco, and beaten that pesky spiky yellow thing, the Sun to San Francisco. It will have been so much of a success, that I'll start to plan a different trip the next year for the same reason. This is me, being my uncharacteristically optimistic self. I like it, it just doesn't happen that often.
I got an email from the Crowdrise people telling me that we're so close to reaching my goal, and they even broke it down that my average donor gave $44 and if 2 more people at that rate gave we'd make our goal. Which is kind of awesome, because my numbernerdiness came in to play and realized that 44x2=88 which has two eights in it, and well if you'd read this blog two days ago you'd know that the number 8 is important to me and my wife.
On a side note of numbernerdiness, this past Friday, the 13th, we went out to eat at the best taqueria in town, Tacopocalypse. Our order total came up to $11.13, and with out really thinking about it I put a $2 tip in to make the total, $13.13. That's right. I'm tempting fate. I got no worries though, I have ShamRock with me.
Anyway, we're six days to the event now and things are falling in to place. I got the car-door magnets I ordered, and I'm pretty much just waiting to pack and such to get things going and get ready to leave.
And because it's a theme, and sort of a thing at this house, I give you the #6 jersey-bearer from Santa Claus, Indiana, Jay Cutler.
Yes, that number on the right there in the donation widget is correct. We made it past our goal! I'm so excited! I can barely only use one exclamation point per sentence!
Again, thank you everyone we all made this possible. Yay! It turns out it IS easy being green!
One week. That's it! (The rebels are there!) As long as I don't come out of hyperspace too close to the system a week from now, everything will be fine. However, if my estimates and understanding of the BBC America schedule is correct, the final episode of series 2 of the fantastic "Orphan Black" will be airing just after I set off on my race with the sun. It's no big deal as the DVR is set to record it, but you know it's the last in the series, and I'll have to wait until I get back to see it. I don't have the Genie thingy from DirecTV, and I'm not sure about watching it on a tablet. Plus, I'll have other things to do that night, and the days afterwards. Mostly.
It's exciting! So exciting for me, admittedly I'm not really enjoying work every day, but it will pass. I'm just anxious. My copilot leaves in just a few days, let's call her the Secret Service pre-trip phase. Not really, but it sounds cool, and she'll get a kick out of it. Plus, I'm sure there is an actual name for that part of the Presidential travel schedule, but I'm not sure what it is. Should we give ourselves code names? For some reason, the first one that popped in to my head, when thinking of the 'Green' theme was 'Green Giant'. Another one was 'Mojito'. Any thoughts out there?
Donations are still rolling in, so I want to thank everybody that's donated, or spread the word about what I'm doing and what Brandon Marshall's foundation is doing. Let's roll!
And for today's image, enjoy the many clone iterations of one fabulous Tatiana Maslany, and friends from Orphan Black:
I love how Sarah is all sort of 'Assassin's Creed' she just needs some blades. Interestingly enough, everybody's favorite 'sestra' is not pictured here. Interesting.
Those of you that know me and my wife will know that the number 8 is important to both of us. We were married on 08/08/08 after all, plus the number pops up in our lives in other ways too. Suffice it to say it is a good number. Now it is another milestone, 8 days left until my event. This week I went with my sister-in-law to an event where they shared a piece on cyber-bullying through the Stand for the Silent-Central Iowa for a group of Upward Bound kids at Simpson College. I was lucky enough to get a few minutes to talk about what I was doing and why. With all the trip planning anxiety, I'd forgotten the core reason I was doing it, other than raising awareness and money for mental health and the Brandon Marshall Foundation, I'd forgotten about the symbolism/approximation part of driving the most beautiful road at night to symbolize what it is like to have a mental illness, like depression or any other. So, it really isn't about doing the fundraising, I have to do this for myself and others like me. Depression lies, but the sun will come up in the east on Sunday, June 21st. And I'm going to beat it to San Francisco. Then I'll probably have a nap or a beer, or both. Anybody know any good bars that open at 6 am or so? I suppose that would mean they technically don't close. Maybe a celebratory one purchased beforehand. Yeah that's it.
Sorry, I'm rambling.
Eight days before the event, and we're still 85% of the goal. Granted, that is still 100% more than I thought I'd be when I started, but as you can tell, I'm a number nerd so 100% sounds so much better. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart, I still can't really believe this. And now, another thing that happened on the 8th of August. A picture of a rainstorm.
Nine days, we're in single digits now. I can tell you I'm getting excited, as is my co-pilot. I even had my eyes checked, and asked the doctor about night vision, he said that the glasses focus the light to a certain wavelength, and it makes it clearer to see, but it basically makes it harder on your eyes because the pupils are wide open to let light in, but it is only coming in a shorter/specific wavelength. He wore them and got a headache. So, there you go. SCIENCE! er something. I will just make sure that my glasses and the windshield and windows are clean and smudge free. Hopefully since we're renting from Hertz's 'Prestige' collection, that won't be too much of a problem. I've rented before from Hertz and other companies, and the windshields especially have been dusty, but that has been on the normal renting level. So, we'll see. We also have our mani/pedi's scheduled so I can prepare my feet in the case that we reach 100% of the goal. I couldn't think of any reference for the number nine that really fit, so enjoy a picture of #9 Robbie Gould, one of the most efficient and dependable kickers in the NFL, ever. Plus he's a good guy and has his own foundation.
To remind me why I started all of this and to clear it up for everybody else.
I went back and read some of my first posts about all of this back in September of 2013. Those posts are here and here. They are very rough, and when taken out of context, don't make a lot of sense. So, let's start over, from the beginning.
Let's go way way back.
Back in junior high, which is when it really started now that I think about it, which makes sense given all the chemical and physical changes going on in a person at that point in their lives, I earned the somewhat junior high-school-ish name of "Adrenaline Dude". It started with an incident that I remember me getting angry at something, that I don't even remember now, but it made me angry enough to lift my bicycle (this was before carbon fiber or aluminum was a thing for bikes) and throw it a good distance in the air. I'd estimate it to be 10 yards or so, but it was probably more like 5 feet. Scales change with age, kids. That was in front of Lenihan Junior High at the bike rack, near the parking lot, in front of god knows how many kids and parents. Nobody that had any authority, as it turns out because I wasn't punished for anything or questioned. Then there is the whole awkward time of being in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade, being nerdy enough to win the school spelling bee not once but twice, (first time it had been done, thank you very much) and well, you know, being one of those kids. Awkward around girls, making mix tapes, giving candy to girls I thought were pretty to gain their favor, but not actually having the guts to talk to them or really to know what to say. You know, just like in those movies. This was back before nerdiness was 'popular' so to speak, so it was just a little bit harder to connect with people.
I did have a great group of friends though, and we pretty much hung out from elementary school through high school. A few of them I still talk to to this day, the smart and funny ones anyway. So it was good to have a small group of friends that I could be myself with, learn, play and joke around with. Yet, I still felt out of place because I didn't know about all the things they knew about, I wasn't as 'at ease' with myself then, or even up until a year ago. I'm still, not really, but it is getting better.
So, all of this continued for the decades following, flash through several girlfriends, that I'd self destruct and push away because deep down I thought I was unworthy, etc. Finally, having given up on finding companionship, and delving in to a little zen meditation, though I think that was much later, I finally just decided to stop working so hard on finding somebody and focus inward. Which sounds like a good idea, unless you're in a place where you think of yourself as disposable, worthless and pointless, like I did. Then, well, I met her, or rather she met me, because she's the one that reached out first, the woman that would eventually become my wife.
I'm getting ahead of myself though possibly. It wasn't all roses and candy for me and my wife though. We'd have the same fights over and over again, and it usually started or resulted in me feeling sorry for myself, and harming myself. We keep a baseball bat near our bed in case of emergencies, and since for some reason most of our arguments started when we were going to bed, it was close by. So on more than one occasion, I'd hit myself with that bat. I don't remember threatening my wife with it, but in the fog and haze of those emotions I couldn't tell you for sure. She always did say that if I hit her she'd leave. Deep down I knew that she was the best thing to ever happen to me so I didn't want her to leave, but at the same time I couldn't understand why she wanted to stay or was with such a worthless person in the first place.
Flash forward about 8 years to August, 2012. We'd just purchased a house, and it was my 40th birthday, and well the Mayan calendar was ending, as well as the world. Remember that? So, we had a combination birthday/anniversary/housewarming/end of the world party. I invited people from work, all of our friends, my wife did the same, as well as family and everything. There was grilling, delicious beer from Granite City, and from about noon until midnight that night I spent time reminiscing and just talking with my friends. Some I hadn't seen in a long time, and some I haven't seen since. All in all, it was a great day. It made me feel good, even my brother showed up. I felt loved and appreciated for the first time in a long time. It was weird.
For the next year, I struggled again, off and on. I'd been working with Zen meditation, and it helped a little with getting my mind in the right space, but it wasn't a complete solution. I'd also tried counseling before this, and well it didn't take hold either. I should probably go back now, but frankly I like working things out by myself, which was probably why I was so resistant to medication for so long. It feels like cheating. However, I take tylenol, and drugs for allergies and such, so apparently I was just resistant to 'that' kind of medication. You see, I'm still of the opinion that the brain is a mysterious and unknown part of our body so poking medicines in there seems akin to trying to split the atom, though slightly less of a danger from radiation. I still feel that way with kids, because their bodies and stuff are all in flux. I mean have you ever talked to a kid to get their favorite something and then a week later it is something completely different? Anyway, it was around this time that the one true Wil Wheaton of internet fame was answering questions about his bout with depression and anxiety and such on the tweeties. I'd read his book , "Just A Geek" because I knew him to be from Star Trek, and he'd started this blog thing and stuff. Then when I read the book, it hit me in a lot of the right places, about voices of self-doubt, not fitting in, and something called The Balance. Then this happened:
@wilw thank you sir! If medication works .001% as well as getting a tweet from your hero, then I will look in to it!
— AirGordon (@1TrueDAS) September 11, 2012
And until now, I'd forgotten that was on September 11th. I'm thinking that was relevant somehow, like helping people with PTSD, especially soldiers coming back from war and such.
So, with that impetus, I became more open to the idea of medication. I was still resistant, but was getting more open. My wife and I continued to have the same fights, and then things seemed to get better. Then, almost a year later after my 41st birthday, my wife threw me a surprise party. She's good at throwing those, and they are always a surprise, though I should start to expect them. She'd invited my friends, (some of the same ones from that elementary school group) my family, my Aunt drove almost 3 hours to come to it, more friends, my wonderful nieces who are close to my favorite kids in the world, and just a great bunch of people, and a great time. A local restaurateur even opened up a special part of his new restaurant especially for us. I should have felt so loved, so happy, like I did just barely a year before. Except I felt nothing. I appeared happy, but my closest friends could tell something was up, something was not right. I felt nothing. I pretended to be happy, but it was superficial. For some, that is enough. The whole 'fake it till you make it' strategy. I realized that I'd been faking it for over 30 years, and wasn't making it. I needed help. Within the next couple of weeks, I talked with my doctor, and got on some medication. That was nine short months ago, and I'm doing and feeling much better, and feeling more like a real person every day. There are still days when the Voice of Self Doubt tries to butt in and take over, but it is a little easier to fight back these days, and I'm learning to recognize it as well, which is a huge leap forward.
So, that's the background of my mental illness issues, now let's get to why I'm doing this drive and fundraising and such.
When we moved in to our new house, we got DirecTV. A few months after moving in, during winter in the Midwest when you don't want to go outside, I started watching the BBC America show, 'Top Gear'. It had been suggested to me on Netflix, and when I saw it in passing on the TV, I decided to give it a chance.
It was wonderful. It had cars, comedy, silliness, and oh yeah cars. Then they would travel to different places, and have stars like Stephen Fry and Brian Johnson drive around their track with timed laps. Oh, then there is the Stig. My wife didn't originally want to watch it because she didn't want to pick up another show to watch. Yeah, we're both hooked now. Then one particular episode caught my imagination. One of the presenters, Jeremy Clarkson, was asked to race the Sun from the westernmost point of England to the easternmost point. Which is pretty normal for their show, putting cars up against ridiculous things that aren't cars; they had a Bugatti Veyron race a fighter jet for crying out loud.
So, yeah. It's cool. Anyway, the racing the Sun. The challenge was to start at sunset in the west, and reach the eastern point before sunrise the next morning. The challenging part was that they meant Jeremy to do it on the Summer Solstice, the 'shortest' night of the year. This is the part that fascinated me. Last June I wanted to make the drive on the Solstice, but the planning just wasn't there, I'd come up with the idea about 3 days before the Solstice and rearranging my sleep schedule and finding a destination and such was just too hard. So, I shelved it for a while, but vowed to do it the next year, in 2014. Then, in October, during the pro football season, I learned about another person that I look up to that struggled with mental illness. Brandon Marshall had announced that he suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder, and had started a foundation in his name to help fight stigma with getting help for a mental illness and just to raise awareness in general. You've probably heard about a player getting fined by the NFL for violating the uniform policy because he wore green shoes for one game. Now, it was during October, when the NFL teams play at least one game with pink added to their uniforms to support/bring awareness to breast cancer, which as controversial as the Komen foundation is, it is still a good cause. But I liked Brandon's story, if you look in to his story, it sort of parallels mine, it is just a little more extreme, probably because I don't make millions of dollars as a professional athlete, and the access to bigger problems that that allows. But there's similarities as far as issues with his wife, his job, and other things. So, it kinda hit home also. So, when winter rolled around again, I started planning my trip, but I also wanted to make it about something, and not just a vacation. So, then I had the idea to make it about mental health awareness, and to raise funds for the Brandon Marshall Foundation. So, that's how this whole thing started. During my whole phase of discovery and learning about my own mental illness, my wife and I decided to refer to it as being 'solar powered'. So, that is why the whole thing with racing the sun struck me. Then, to drive on one of the most beautiful roads at night, in the dark, thus negating most of the beauty of the drive, as well as denying me any 'solar power' made it a challenge, and an opportunity to show people that they don't have to do it alone, it is okay to ask for help. What is it that Red Green always says at the end of the show? "Remember, we're in this thing together. I'm pullin' for ya".
So, yeah let's have a little fun with this. During the drive, I'll be available via Google Hangouts, aka video chat or text chat, just hit me up on my event's Google+ page, or a link HERE. Check out the foundation page here, and if you'd be so kind, check out my fundraiser for the Foundation here and consider a donation or getting someone else to donate. Either way, just pass the word, that's all I really ask. If you've made it this far, well also thank you for reading all this.
I was going to make a Monty Python reference here, but I think I'll keep that for when there are five days left. (Three sir!). So, instead a little reminder that there are 10 days before my event, and 9 days before I leave. As of this posting, we've managed 85% of our goal, so we're so very close. It is well, I'll let the Tenth Doctor say it for me:
Then there is the original impetus for this trip, the 3 boys themselves, in front of 10 Downing Street. I know, I'm stretching it a bit there, especially since you can only see the '0' in '10' but hey it is one of the more famous doors...in the world.
Again, thank you everybody so much for helping me and the Brandon Marshall Foundation spread awareness for mental health issues, and to help #ReduceStigma!
More number references for everybody, and how could you not go to eleven? Eleven days left before my event, and well let's turn up the volume on the fundraising. You guessed it, up to 11. Please share, retweet, reblog, poke with a stick, get the volume up on helping people with mental illness, or just get the word out there. Thank you so much!
For those of a certain age, or certain fandom of one Austrian bodybuilder turned actor and politician, the phrase 'Two Weeks' is one of those that will most likely conjure up images of a red-headed middle age woman traveling through security at the Mars station in the movie 'Total Recall'. The one from the '90's not the slick retelling from a few years ago. Kids, use your internet search skills.
Yes, today it is 2 weeks, 14 days from the event. Last night my co-pilot and I got together to hammer out some details that weren't really necessary to hammer out before now. The are no number nerd things today but I just wanted to get an update out there. The link to the donation page should be appearing to the right now. If not here it is https://www.crowdrise.com/solstice/fundraiser/dougstubbs
Thank you again and keep getting the message out there. #ReduceStigma
Fifteen days from today I leave the lovely international airport here and arrive in Los Angeles. The following day at sundown I'll drive from the Santa Monica Pier to the Golden Gate Bridge before sunrise on Sunday. I'm $175 away from my goal. Brandon Marshall's jersey/uniform number is 15. If we could find 15 people to each give $15 that would be $50 more than my goal.
These are all facts, or at least representations of facts that could be. We are 15 days away. My support driver/passenger and I are meeting tonight to finalize some things. Thoughts about the drive and preparations for it consume my thoughts that I don't get much done at work. I don't know what to say, I honestly thought I wouldn't raise much more than $0 for the whole thing, so the fact that we're this close amazes, humbles, and astonishes me.
I'm doing this for mental health awareness, but I've talked very little about why this is important to me. First of all, it's very personal to me as I've struggled with problems basically my entire life but have only begun to get treatment, because of someone who supported me, understood me, and loved me enough to help me get help and make me understand that it was okay to ask for help. She will also probably cringe at that last sentence not only because it is about her, but because it is probably not done very well grammatically speaking.
Also, having just gotten back from an impromptu trip to visit a family member who had several brain surgeries to relieve some swelling on the brain, and it was thought that he wouldn't make it. So, we flew down to see him to either say last goodbyes or just be with family. What a surprise it was that the 2nd day we were there, we actually were talking to him and get him to smile and laugh. He still has a long way to go of course, but is making great strides. While this isn't a mental illness per se, it does illustrate to me how important the brain really is. It is literally in charge of everything, including lying to you about how you look, and making you feel miserable during what should be a happy moment. So why shouldn't we take care of it in the same way we would any other physical problem? It can be helped with medication, meditation, and/or a lot of support. The first step is just to realize you can ask for help, and that it shouldn't be a problem if you need it. That was my biggest hurdle, and I don't want it to be yours.
15 days, $15, 15 people, for a foundation for #15.
