Just over a year ago, the first inkling of my idea about racing the sun started to form and take complete shape. Last year at this time it was after Brandon Marshall's infamous wearing of the cleats for mental health awareness. That was when my race against the sun came in to focus, and you helped me raise $1,100 for the Brandon Marshall Foundation, and started a conversation that has continued through today. It was a great experience, and one I'm going to continue along with the conversation.
So since the benefits far outweigh the costs, I'm going to do it again. I hope to raise just as much if not more awareness this year.
This is where I need your help. Where should the drive take place? My first idea is to do the same thing as last year, Santa Monica to San Francisco along the Pacific Coast Highway. However, this time I'd bring my wife as she didn't get to go last year. Another of my idea is to follow the Lincoln Highway along some section, possibly ending up in Chicago at the headquarters for the Brandon Marshall Foundation before sunrise, because of the recent (to me at least) link between Abraham Lincoln and mental illness.
For any other ideas is where I ask you, dear reader, for your ideas. The only requirements I would have is that under normal daytime circumstances the drive would be scenic, is a distance that could reasonably be covered from sunset to sunrise on the solstice with out breaking (too many) laws, man-made or scientific. I'd even consider an aquatic drive (?) if someone were to loan me a boat.
So please let me know your ideas, tweet me, leave a comment, or send smoke signals to let me know, I am eager for ideas.
Thank you!
Friday, October 24, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
42
Today is my 42nd birthday. I joke that I'm now the answer to life, the universe and everything, at least for the next year, but so often do I realize I'm not. My other mantra for today has been, "It's just another day." Which when it is your birthday, sounds kind of depressing. I took my car in for service, baked my own birthday cake (thank you very much) and since my wife is teaching tonight, I don't get to see her until probably late this evening, close to 9 or 10.
It was just under a year ago I had the feeling that turned me around and decided to seek help for my depression. So, you would think I'd be pretty down about being all alone most of the day today. When, in fact, it is the mantra 'Just another day' that has gotten me through. You see, I may be alone today, but tomorrow I get to go to the city that I love, with two of my favorite women on this planet. Then, if we can time it right, I will get to meet the CEO of the Brandon Marshall Foundation, (who had his own birthday not too long ago). Then, I get to spend the weekend with those same 2 awesome women, and hang around in the best city in the United States. So, even today, just another day, leads to an awesome tomorrow, and I think there's something to that. Thanks everybody for enjoying this day with me.
It was just under a year ago I had the feeling that turned me around and decided to seek help for my depression. So, you would think I'd be pretty down about being all alone most of the day today. When, in fact, it is the mantra 'Just another day' that has gotten me through. You see, I may be alone today, but tomorrow I get to go to the city that I love, with two of my favorite women on this planet. Then, if we can time it right, I will get to meet the CEO of the Brandon Marshall Foundation, (who had his own birthday not too long ago). Then, I get to spend the weekend with those same 2 awesome women, and hang around in the best city in the United States. So, even today, just another day, leads to an awesome tomorrow, and I think there's something to that. Thanks everybody for enjoying this day with me.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Uh...Loser!
This is what the sun looks like when it is embarrassed by a human:
I know it isn't nice to call names, but the Sun lost. Ya lost! Beaten by a puny mortal. Though the E-class had a lot to do with that. A lot. And my copilot/navigator Kirsten (ShamRock). But not least of all, all my supporters and friends around the country. I was doing this for myself, and everyone out there that suffers from a mental illness either in themselves or adjacently like my wife. Just know that you can do it, it does get better. I thought it was curtains for us in the mountains and bridges since it was so dark and the roads were so aggressively against us. I'm completely sold on an E-class though. That thing powered through, took the punishment of the turns, and gave us a little fun going through the tunnels and such. All in all a good time.
I know it isn't nice to call names, but the Sun lost. Ya lost! Beaten by a puny mortal. Though the E-class had a lot to do with that. A lot. And my copilot/navigator Kirsten (ShamRock). But not least of all, all my supporters and friends around the country. I was doing this for myself, and everyone out there that suffers from a mental illness either in themselves or adjacently like my wife. Just know that you can do it, it does get better. I thought it was curtains for us in the mountains and bridges since it was so dark and the roads were so aggressively against us. I'm completely sold on an E-class though. That thing powered through, took the punishment of the turns, and gave us a little fun going through the tunnels and such. All in all a good time.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Today's the Day (Zero)
I have had this countdown going now for a few weeks, or months if you count, but as far as the frequency ramping up, it was just recently. However, probably just as long if not longer, someone else I know has been counting down to this day. My adopted-niece in law, Ashleigh. Today is her wedding day, and that is where my wife will be, as well as my heart. The best of wishes to you both, Ashleigh and Colin, may you have many happy days ahead, and if you want to know the secret to having a long happy marriage, just have gratitude and trust in each other. It goes a long way. Congratulations!
Friday, June 20, 2014
Green Giant and ShamRock are GO!
I don't dislike traveling but traveling with other people that I don't know, like central Iowans, makes it a chore. Then the hidden lane at security that the woman behind me just had to get in front of me for tends to sour the whole experience. Oh well. The scout team is in place, and the package is ready to be delivered. Good thing I'm blogging this and not saying it out loud.
One
Tonight I get on an aeroplane, definitely can't take a fast train since those don't exist in the United States really. We can't be bothered.
Check in, meet up with ShamRock, get some sleep, get the car, piddle around with the toys on the car and around L.A. then head to the pier to get this whole thing started. January, or last June seems so far away when I started planning this thing. It will be so weird to have it all come together.
I'm open to suggestions of what to do in San Francisco after I get there. Preferably stuff that's open early in the morning. I'm trying to connect with a friend who is also heading to the Sunshine State around the same time as me, but we'll see. It's a big place.
Don't forget to check out my Google+ Hangout (Live! or OnAir!) from the Santa Monica Pier before we get started driving, here. Let me know if the link doesn't work or you can't see it. You may need to have a Google account to use it, or know someone who does. Hopefully we have decent data coverage for most of the trip, though since it will be ocean-road-mountain for much of the trip, I'm not holding out hope for much. Now, for your entertainment and trip down some nostalgia lane:
Check in, meet up with ShamRock, get some sleep, get the car, piddle around with the toys on the car and around L.A. then head to the pier to get this whole thing started. January, or last June seems so far away when I started planning this thing. It will be so weird to have it all come together.
I'm open to suggestions of what to do in San Francisco after I get there. Preferably stuff that's open early in the morning. I'm trying to connect with a friend who is also heading to the Sunshine State around the same time as me, but we'll see. It's a big place.
Don't forget to check out my Google+ Hangout (Live! or OnAir!) from the Santa Monica Pier before we get started driving, here. Let me know if the link doesn't work or you can't see it. You may need to have a Google account to use it, or know someone who does. Hopefully we have decent data coverage for most of the trip, though since it will be ocean-road-mountain for much of the trip, I'm not holding out hope for much. Now, for your entertainment and trip down some nostalgia lane:
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Two
Nails did!
We got our mani/pedi on Monday, so now they are all smooth and ready for paint. We're in the phase of the process where I'm making sure everything is prepped and ready to go. I'm getting emails from the hotels and car companies about my 'upcoming trip'.
Meanwhile this has been the longest week ever at work.
So, enjoy a 'before' picture of my fingernails!
Then later tonight, my wife and nieces will be applying the #CrazyStigmaGreen to these babies. Watch this space for updates on that!
We got our mani/pedi on Monday, so now they are all smooth and ready for paint. We're in the phase of the process where I'm making sure everything is prepped and ready to go. I'm getting emails from the hotels and car companies about my 'upcoming trip'.
Meanwhile this has been the longest week ever at work.
So, enjoy a 'before' picture of my fingernails!
Then later tonight, my wife and nieces will be applying the #CrazyStigmaGreen to these babies. Watch this space for updates on that!
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Tres
And then there were three.
Days to go that is. Getting stuff ready to go, packed, cleaned and stowed away for the trip. Need to spend some quality time with the wife, so this will be short. What do I think of when I think of the word or number three?
No idea, actually. There were four Ghostbusters, so I should have used that yesterday. So, let's have some fun with distance from the lens and perspective! Hammond is shorter, but not hobbit sized like he looks below:
There we go, the three chaps who sort of inspired this idea in the first place, but really, Brandon Marshall is the purpose.
Thank you all so much!
Days to go that is. Getting stuff ready to go, packed, cleaned and stowed away for the trip. Need to spend some quality time with the wife, so this will be short. What do I think of when I think of the word or number three?
No idea, actually. There were four Ghostbusters, so I should have used that yesterday. So, let's have some fun with distance from the lens and perspective! Hammond is shorter, but not hobbit sized like he looks below:
There we go, the three chaps who sort of inspired this idea in the first place, but really, Brandon Marshall is the purpose.
Thank you all so much!
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
IV or Four
Yeah, you guessed it, this is for 4 days until we drive. We've made our goal, which is such a hugely awesome thing. Monday night I have my manicure and pedicure scheduled so I can get my color on my toes from my wife, and hopefully get them painted some time this week. Watch this space for videos and photos from that!
Last night, some real doubt crept in to my head, it's been a while since I've done the long haul drive thing. The last time was a somewhat honor and hormone driven launch to Tulsa, OK and back in the same day to pick up a roommate. That was about 14 hours, and it was in my much less comfortable but just as much fun Nissan 240SX, but about 14 years ago also. I remember seeing a lot of deer, since I left before sunrise from up here in Iowa, which I'm hoping I won't see many of those on the road along the coast. My biggest fear are rocks, and well, larger animals. I'm not going to worry about it though, since what will happen will happen, we have a safe vehicle and a plan.
Once again, thank you everyone for busting past my goal, we don't have to stop here though, every bit helps the Foundation. And now from the four winds:
Last night, some real doubt crept in to my head, it's been a while since I've done the long haul drive thing. The last time was a somewhat honor and hormone driven launch to Tulsa, OK and back in the same day to pick up a roommate. That was about 14 hours, and it was in my much less comfortable but just as much fun Nissan 240SX, but about 14 years ago also. I remember seeing a lot of deer, since I left before sunrise from up here in Iowa, which I'm hoping I won't see many of those on the road along the coast. My biggest fear are rocks, and well, larger animals. I'm not going to worry about it though, since what will happen will happen, we have a safe vehicle and a plan.
Once again, thank you everyone for busting past my goal, we don't have to stop here though, every bit helps the Foundation. And now from the four winds:
Monday, June 16, 2014
Five
I'm writing to you now from the comfort of my recliner in my living room. In five days, hopefully I'll be writing to you all from the comfort of a hotel in San Francisco after beating the sun there. A few days ago, I got a Father's Day surprise that was most welcome. No, not that...I got enough donations to make and surpass my goal. I'm amazed, humbled, and awestruck. I can't really describe how awesome and happy it made me, especially since the penultimate donation came from my own mother! I should have known better to tell her how close I was to my goal, because that was exactly what she sent me. She's good like that.
Even though it put us over the top, we couldn't have gotten there without everyone. So, to all of you I wish you a virtual high five, until I can see all of you and give you one in person. Or, if you prefer, a hand hug!
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Six
By this time next week, my copilot (ShamRock) and I will have made it to San Francisco, and beaten that pesky spiky yellow thing, the Sun to San Francisco. It will have been so much of a success, that I'll start to plan a different trip the next year for the same reason. This is me, being my uncharacteristically optimistic self. I like it, it just doesn't happen that often.
I got an email from the Crowdrise people telling me that we're so close to reaching my goal, and they even broke it down that my average donor gave $44 and if 2 more people at that rate gave we'd make our goal. Which is kind of awesome, because my numbernerdiness came in to play and realized that 44x2=88 which has two eights in it, and well if you'd read this blog two days ago you'd know that the number 8 is important to me and my wife.
On a side note of numbernerdiness, this past Friday, the 13th, we went out to eat at the best taqueria in town, Tacopocalypse. Our order total came up to $11.13, and with out really thinking about it I put a $2 tip in to make the total, $13.13. That's right. I'm tempting fate. I got no worries though, I have ShamRock with me.
Anyway, we're six days to the event now and things are falling in to place. I got the car-door magnets I ordered, and I'm pretty much just waiting to pack and such to get things going and get ready to leave.
And because it's a theme, and sort of a thing at this house, I give you the #6 jersey-bearer from Santa Claus, Indiana, Jay Cutler.
I got an email from the Crowdrise people telling me that we're so close to reaching my goal, and they even broke it down that my average donor gave $44 and if 2 more people at that rate gave we'd make our goal. Which is kind of awesome, because my numbernerdiness came in to play and realized that 44x2=88 which has two eights in it, and well if you'd read this blog two days ago you'd know that the number 8 is important to me and my wife.
On a side note of numbernerdiness, this past Friday, the 13th, we went out to eat at the best taqueria in town, Tacopocalypse. Our order total came up to $11.13, and with out really thinking about it I put a $2 tip in to make the total, $13.13. That's right. I'm tempting fate. I got no worries though, I have ShamRock with me.
Anyway, we're six days to the event now and things are falling in to place. I got the car-door magnets I ordered, and I'm pretty much just waiting to pack and such to get things going and get ready to leave.
And because it's a theme, and sort of a thing at this house, I give you the #6 jersey-bearer from Santa Claus, Indiana, Jay Cutler.
Saturday, June 14, 2014
We did a Thing!
Yes, that number on the right there in the donation widget is correct. We made it past our goal! I'm so excited! I can barely only use one exclamation point per sentence!
Again, thank you everyone we all made this possible. Yay! It turns out it IS easy being green!
Again, thank you everyone we all made this possible. Yay! It turns out it IS easy being green!
Seven; or "You're Outta yer element, Donnie!"
One week. That's it! (The rebels are there!) As long as I don't come out of hyperspace too close to the system a week from now, everything will be fine. However, if my estimates and understanding of the BBC America schedule is correct, the final episode of series 2 of the fantastic "Orphan Black" will be airing just after I set off on my race with the sun. It's no big deal as the DVR is set to record it, but you know it's the last in the series, and I'll have to wait until I get back to see it. I don't have the Genie thingy from DirecTV, and I'm not sure about watching it on a tablet. Plus, I'll have other things to do that night, and the days afterwards. Mostly.
It's exciting! So exciting for me, admittedly I'm not really enjoying work every day, but it will pass. I'm just anxious. My copilot leaves in just a few days, let's call her the Secret Service pre-trip phase. Not really, but it sounds cool, and she'll get a kick out of it. Plus, I'm sure there is an actual name for that part of the Presidential travel schedule, but I'm not sure what it is. Should we give ourselves code names? For some reason, the first one that popped in to my head, when thinking of the 'Green' theme was 'Green Giant'. Another one was 'Mojito'. Any thoughts out there?
Donations are still rolling in, so I want to thank everybody that's donated, or spread the word about what I'm doing and what Brandon Marshall's foundation is doing. Let's roll!
And for today's image, enjoy the many clone iterations of one fabulous Tatiana Maslany, and friends from Orphan Black:
I love how Sarah is all sort of 'Assassin's Creed' she just needs some blades. Interestingly enough, everybody's favorite 'sestra' is not pictured here. Interesting.
It's exciting! So exciting for me, admittedly I'm not really enjoying work every day, but it will pass. I'm just anxious. My copilot leaves in just a few days, let's call her the Secret Service pre-trip phase. Not really, but it sounds cool, and she'll get a kick out of it. Plus, I'm sure there is an actual name for that part of the Presidential travel schedule, but I'm not sure what it is. Should we give ourselves code names? For some reason, the first one that popped in to my head, when thinking of the 'Green' theme was 'Green Giant'. Another one was 'Mojito'. Any thoughts out there?
Donations are still rolling in, so I want to thank everybody that's donated, or spread the word about what I'm doing and what Brandon Marshall's foundation is doing. Let's roll!
And for today's image, enjoy the many clone iterations of one fabulous Tatiana Maslany, and friends from Orphan Black:
I love how Sarah is all sort of 'Assassin's Creed' she just needs some blades. Interestingly enough, everybody's favorite 'sestra' is not pictured here. Interesting.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Eight
Those of you that know me and my wife will know that the number 8 is important to both of us. We were married on 08/08/08 after all, plus the number pops up in our lives in other ways too. Suffice it to say it is a good number. Now it is another milestone, 8 days left until my event. This week I went with my sister-in-law to an event where they shared a piece on cyber-bullying through the Stand for the Silent-Central Iowa for a group of Upward Bound kids at Simpson College. I was lucky enough to get a few minutes to talk about what I was doing and why. With all the trip planning anxiety, I'd forgotten the core reason I was doing it, other than raising awareness and money for mental health and the Brandon Marshall Foundation, I'd forgotten about the symbolism/approximation part of driving the most beautiful road at night to symbolize what it is like to have a mental illness, like depression or any other. So, it really isn't about doing the fundraising, I have to do this for myself and others like me. Depression lies, but the sun will come up in the east on Sunday, June 21st. And I'm going to beat it to San Francisco. Then I'll probably have a nap or a beer, or both. Anybody know any good bars that open at 6 am or so? I suppose that would mean they technically don't close. Maybe a celebratory one purchased beforehand. Yeah that's it.
Sorry, I'm rambling.
Eight days before the event, and we're still 85% of the goal. Granted, that is still 100% more than I thought I'd be when I started, but as you can tell, I'm a number nerd so 100% sounds so much better. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart, I still can't really believe this. And now, another thing that happened on the 8th of August. A picture of a rainstorm.
Photo from LaPayne Photography,
Sorry, I'm rambling.
Eight days before the event, and we're still 85% of the goal. Granted, that is still 100% more than I thought I'd be when I started, but as you can tell, I'm a number nerd so 100% sounds so much better. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart, I still can't really believe this. And now, another thing that happened on the 8th of August. A picture of a rainstorm.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Nine
Nine days, we're in single digits now. I can tell you I'm getting excited, as is my co-pilot. I even had my eyes checked, and asked the doctor about night vision, he said that the glasses focus the light to a certain wavelength, and it makes it clearer to see, but it basically makes it harder on your eyes because the pupils are wide open to let light in, but it is only coming in a shorter/specific wavelength. He wore them and got a headache. So, there you go. SCIENCE! er something. I will just make sure that my glasses and the windshield and windows are clean and smudge free. Hopefully since we're renting from Hertz's 'Prestige' collection, that won't be too much of a problem. I've rented before from Hertz and other companies, and the windshields especially have been dusty, but that has been on the normal renting level. So, we'll see. We also have our mani/pedi's scheduled so I can prepare my feet in the case that we reach 100% of the goal. I couldn't think of any reference for the number nine that really fit, so enjoy a picture of #9 Robbie Gould, one of the most efficient and dependable kickers in the NFL, ever. Plus he's a good guy and has his own foundation.
We Interrupt This Program...
To remind me why I started all of this and to clear it up for everybody else.
I went back and read some of my first posts about all of this back in September of 2013. Those posts are here and here. They are very rough, and when taken out of context, don't make a lot of sense. So, let's start over, from the beginning.
Let's go way way back.
Back in junior high, which is when it really started now that I think about it, which makes sense given all the chemical and physical changes going on in a person at that point in their lives, I earned the somewhat junior high-school-ish name of "Adrenaline Dude". It started with an incident that I remember me getting angry at something, that I don't even remember now, but it made me angry enough to lift my bicycle (this was before carbon fiber or aluminum was a thing for bikes) and throw it a good distance in the air. I'd estimate it to be 10 yards or so, but it was probably more like 5 feet. Scales change with age, kids. That was in front of Lenihan Junior High at the bike rack, near the parking lot, in front of god knows how many kids and parents. Nobody that had any authority, as it turns out because I wasn't punished for anything or questioned. Then there is the whole awkward time of being in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade, being nerdy enough to win the school spelling bee not once but twice, (first time it had been done, thank you very much) and well, you know, being one of those kids. Awkward around girls, making mix tapes, giving candy to girls I thought were pretty to gain their favor, but not actually having the guts to talk to them or really to know what to say. You know, just like in those movies. This was back before nerdiness was 'popular' so to speak, so it was just a little bit harder to connect with people.
I did have a great group of friends though, and we pretty much hung out from elementary school through high school. A few of them I still talk to to this day, the smart and funny ones anyway. So it was good to have a small group of friends that I could be myself with, learn, play and joke around with. Yet, I still felt out of place because I didn't know about all the things they knew about, I wasn't as 'at ease' with myself then, or even up until a year ago. I'm still, not really, but it is getting better.
So, all of this continued for the decades following, flash through several girlfriends, that I'd self destruct and push away because deep down I thought I was unworthy, etc. Finally, having given up on finding companionship, and delving in to a little zen meditation, though I think that was much later, I finally just decided to stop working so hard on finding somebody and focus inward. Which sounds like a good idea, unless you're in a place where you think of yourself as disposable, worthless and pointless, like I did. Then, well, I met her, or rather she met me, because she's the one that reached out first, the woman that would eventually become my wife.
I'm getting ahead of myself though possibly. It wasn't all roses and candy for me and my wife though. We'd have the same fights over and over again, and it usually started or resulted in me feeling sorry for myself, and harming myself. We keep a baseball bat near our bed in case of emergencies, and since for some reason most of our arguments started when we were going to bed, it was close by. So on more than one occasion, I'd hit myself with that bat. I don't remember threatening my wife with it, but in the fog and haze of those emotions I couldn't tell you for sure. She always did say that if I hit her she'd leave. Deep down I knew that she was the best thing to ever happen to me so I didn't want her to leave, but at the same time I couldn't understand why she wanted to stay or was with such a worthless person in the first place.
Flash forward about 8 years to August, 2012. We'd just purchased a house, and it was my 40th birthday, and well the Mayan calendar was ending, as well as the world. Remember that? So, we had a combination birthday/anniversary/housewarming/end of the world party. I invited people from work, all of our friends, my wife did the same, as well as family and everything. There was grilling, delicious beer from Granite City, and from about noon until midnight that night I spent time reminiscing and just talking with my friends. Some I hadn't seen in a long time, and some I haven't seen since. All in all, it was a great day. It made me feel good, even my brother showed up. I felt loved and appreciated for the first time in a long time. It was weird.
For the next year, I struggled again, off and on. I'd been working with Zen meditation, and it helped a little with getting my mind in the right space, but it wasn't a complete solution. I'd also tried counseling before this, and well it didn't take hold either. I should probably go back now, but frankly I like working things out by myself, which was probably why I was so resistant to medication for so long. It feels like cheating. However, I take tylenol, and drugs for allergies and such, so apparently I was just resistant to 'that' kind of medication. You see, I'm still of the opinion that the brain is a mysterious and unknown part of our body so poking medicines in there seems akin to trying to split the atom, though slightly less of a danger from radiation. I still feel that way with kids, because their bodies and stuff are all in flux. I mean have you ever talked to a kid to get their favorite something and then a week later it is something completely different? Anyway, it was around this time that the one true Wil Wheaton of internet fame was answering questions about his bout with depression and anxiety and such on the tweeties. I'd read his book , "Just A Geek" because I knew him to be from Star Trek, and he'd started this blog thing and stuff. Then when I read the book, it hit me in a lot of the right places, about voices of self-doubt, not fitting in, and something called The Balance. Then this happened:
So, with that impetus, I became more open to the idea of medication. I was still resistant, but was getting more open. My wife and I continued to have the same fights, and then things seemed to get better. Then, almost a year later after my 41st birthday, my wife threw me a surprise party. She's good at throwing those, and they are always a surprise, though I should start to expect them. She'd invited my friends, (some of the same ones from that elementary school group) my family, my Aunt drove almost 3 hours to come to it, more friends, my wonderful nieces who are close to my favorite kids in the world, and just a great bunch of people, and a great time. A local restaurateur even opened up a special part of his new restaurant especially for us. I should have felt so loved, so happy, like I did just barely a year before. Except I felt nothing. I appeared happy, but my closest friends could tell something was up, something was not right. I felt nothing. I pretended to be happy, but it was superficial. For some, that is enough. The whole 'fake it till you make it' strategy. I realized that I'd been faking it for over 30 years, and wasn't making it. I needed help. Within the next couple of weeks, I talked with my doctor, and got on some medication. That was nine short months ago, and I'm doing and feeling much better, and feeling more like a real person every day. There are still days when the Voice of Self Doubt tries to butt in and take over, but it is a little easier to fight back these days, and I'm learning to recognize it as well, which is a huge leap forward.
So, that's the background of my mental illness issues, now let's get to why I'm doing this drive and fundraising and such.
When we moved in to our new house, we got DirecTV. A few months after moving in, during winter in the Midwest when you don't want to go outside, I started watching the BBC America show, 'Top Gear'. It had been suggested to me on Netflix, and when I saw it in passing on the TV, I decided to give it a chance.
It was wonderful. It had cars, comedy, silliness, and oh yeah cars. Then they would travel to different places, and have stars like Stephen Fry and Brian Johnson drive around their track with timed laps. Oh, then there is the Stig. My wife didn't originally want to watch it because she didn't want to pick up another show to watch. Yeah, we're both hooked now. Then one particular episode caught my imagination. One of the presenters, Jeremy Clarkson, was asked to race the Sun from the westernmost point of England to the easternmost point. Which is pretty normal for their show, putting cars up against ridiculous things that aren't cars; they had a Bugatti Veyron race a fighter jet for crying out loud.
I went back and read some of my first posts about all of this back in September of 2013. Those posts are here and here. They are very rough, and when taken out of context, don't make a lot of sense. So, let's start over, from the beginning.
Let's go way way back.
Back in junior high, which is when it really started now that I think about it, which makes sense given all the chemical and physical changes going on in a person at that point in their lives, I earned the somewhat junior high-school-ish name of "Adrenaline Dude". It started with an incident that I remember me getting angry at something, that I don't even remember now, but it made me angry enough to lift my bicycle (this was before carbon fiber or aluminum was a thing for bikes) and throw it a good distance in the air. I'd estimate it to be 10 yards or so, but it was probably more like 5 feet. Scales change with age, kids. That was in front of Lenihan Junior High at the bike rack, near the parking lot, in front of god knows how many kids and parents. Nobody that had any authority, as it turns out because I wasn't punished for anything or questioned. Then there is the whole awkward time of being in 7th, 8th, and 9th grade, being nerdy enough to win the school spelling bee not once but twice, (first time it had been done, thank you very much) and well, you know, being one of those kids. Awkward around girls, making mix tapes, giving candy to girls I thought were pretty to gain their favor, but not actually having the guts to talk to them or really to know what to say. You know, just like in those movies. This was back before nerdiness was 'popular' so to speak, so it was just a little bit harder to connect with people.
I did have a great group of friends though, and we pretty much hung out from elementary school through high school. A few of them I still talk to to this day, the smart and funny ones anyway. So it was good to have a small group of friends that I could be myself with, learn, play and joke around with. Yet, I still felt out of place because I didn't know about all the things they knew about, I wasn't as 'at ease' with myself then, or even up until a year ago. I'm still, not really, but it is getting better.
So, all of this continued for the decades following, flash through several girlfriends, that I'd self destruct and push away because deep down I thought I was unworthy, etc. Finally, having given up on finding companionship, and delving in to a little zen meditation, though I think that was much later, I finally just decided to stop working so hard on finding somebody and focus inward. Which sounds like a good idea, unless you're in a place where you think of yourself as disposable, worthless and pointless, like I did. Then, well, I met her, or rather she met me, because she's the one that reached out first, the woman that would eventually become my wife.
I'm getting ahead of myself though possibly. It wasn't all roses and candy for me and my wife though. We'd have the same fights over and over again, and it usually started or resulted in me feeling sorry for myself, and harming myself. We keep a baseball bat near our bed in case of emergencies, and since for some reason most of our arguments started when we were going to bed, it was close by. So on more than one occasion, I'd hit myself with that bat. I don't remember threatening my wife with it, but in the fog and haze of those emotions I couldn't tell you for sure. She always did say that if I hit her she'd leave. Deep down I knew that she was the best thing to ever happen to me so I didn't want her to leave, but at the same time I couldn't understand why she wanted to stay or was with such a worthless person in the first place.
Flash forward about 8 years to August, 2012. We'd just purchased a house, and it was my 40th birthday, and well the Mayan calendar was ending, as well as the world. Remember that? So, we had a combination birthday/anniversary/housewarming/end of the world party. I invited people from work, all of our friends, my wife did the same, as well as family and everything. There was grilling, delicious beer from Granite City, and from about noon until midnight that night I spent time reminiscing and just talking with my friends. Some I hadn't seen in a long time, and some I haven't seen since. All in all, it was a great day. It made me feel good, even my brother showed up. I felt loved and appreciated for the first time in a long time. It was weird.
For the next year, I struggled again, off and on. I'd been working with Zen meditation, and it helped a little with getting my mind in the right space, but it wasn't a complete solution. I'd also tried counseling before this, and well it didn't take hold either. I should probably go back now, but frankly I like working things out by myself, which was probably why I was so resistant to medication for so long. It feels like cheating. However, I take tylenol, and drugs for allergies and such, so apparently I was just resistant to 'that' kind of medication. You see, I'm still of the opinion that the brain is a mysterious and unknown part of our body so poking medicines in there seems akin to trying to split the atom, though slightly less of a danger from radiation. I still feel that way with kids, because their bodies and stuff are all in flux. I mean have you ever talked to a kid to get their favorite something and then a week later it is something completely different? Anyway, it was around this time that the one true Wil Wheaton of internet fame was answering questions about his bout with depression and anxiety and such on the tweeties. I'd read his book , "Just A Geek" because I knew him to be from Star Trek, and he'd started this blog thing and stuff. Then when I read the book, it hit me in a lot of the right places, about voices of self-doubt, not fitting in, and something called The Balance. Then this happened:
@wilw thank you sir! If medication works .001% as well as getting a tweet from your hero, then I will look in to it!
— AirGordon (@1TrueDAS) September 11, 2012
And until now, I'd forgotten that was on September 11th. I'm thinking that was relevant somehow, like helping people with PTSD, especially soldiers coming back from war and such.So, with that impetus, I became more open to the idea of medication. I was still resistant, but was getting more open. My wife and I continued to have the same fights, and then things seemed to get better. Then, almost a year later after my 41st birthday, my wife threw me a surprise party. She's good at throwing those, and they are always a surprise, though I should start to expect them. She'd invited my friends, (some of the same ones from that elementary school group) my family, my Aunt drove almost 3 hours to come to it, more friends, my wonderful nieces who are close to my favorite kids in the world, and just a great bunch of people, and a great time. A local restaurateur even opened up a special part of his new restaurant especially for us. I should have felt so loved, so happy, like I did just barely a year before. Except I felt nothing. I appeared happy, but my closest friends could tell something was up, something was not right. I felt nothing. I pretended to be happy, but it was superficial. For some, that is enough. The whole 'fake it till you make it' strategy. I realized that I'd been faking it for over 30 years, and wasn't making it. I needed help. Within the next couple of weeks, I talked with my doctor, and got on some medication. That was nine short months ago, and I'm doing and feeling much better, and feeling more like a real person every day. There are still days when the Voice of Self Doubt tries to butt in and take over, but it is a little easier to fight back these days, and I'm learning to recognize it as well, which is a huge leap forward.
So, that's the background of my mental illness issues, now let's get to why I'm doing this drive and fundraising and such.
When we moved in to our new house, we got DirecTV. A few months after moving in, during winter in the Midwest when you don't want to go outside, I started watching the BBC America show, 'Top Gear'. It had been suggested to me on Netflix, and when I saw it in passing on the TV, I decided to give it a chance.
It was wonderful. It had cars, comedy, silliness, and oh yeah cars. Then they would travel to different places, and have stars like Stephen Fry and Brian Johnson drive around their track with timed laps. Oh, then there is the Stig. My wife didn't originally want to watch it because she didn't want to pick up another show to watch. Yeah, we're both hooked now. Then one particular episode caught my imagination. One of the presenters, Jeremy Clarkson, was asked to race the Sun from the westernmost point of England to the easternmost point. Which is pretty normal for their show, putting cars up against ridiculous things that aren't cars; they had a Bugatti Veyron race a fighter jet for crying out loud.
So, yeah. It's cool. Anyway, the racing the Sun. The challenge was to start at sunset in the west, and reach the eastern point before sunrise the next morning. The challenging part was that they meant Jeremy to do it on the Summer Solstice, the 'shortest' night of the year. This is the part that fascinated me. Last June I wanted to make the drive on the Solstice, but the planning just wasn't there, I'd come up with the idea about 3 days before the Solstice and rearranging my sleep schedule and finding a destination and such was just too hard. So, I shelved it for a while, but vowed to do it the next year, in 2014. Then, in October, during the pro football season, I learned about another person that I look up to that struggled with mental illness. Brandon Marshall had announced that he suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder, and had started a foundation in his name to help fight stigma with getting help for a mental illness and just to raise awareness in general. You've probably heard about a player getting fined by the NFL for violating the uniform policy because he wore green shoes for one game. Now, it was during October, when the NFL teams play at least one game with pink added to their uniforms to support/bring awareness to breast cancer, which as controversial as the Komen foundation is, it is still a good cause. But I liked Brandon's story, if you look in to his story, it sort of parallels mine, it is just a little more extreme, probably because I don't make millions of dollars as a professional athlete, and the access to bigger problems that that allows. But there's similarities as far as issues with his wife, his job, and other things. So, it kinda hit home also. So, when winter rolled around again, I started planning my trip, but I also wanted to make it about something, and not just a vacation. So, then I had the idea to make it about mental health awareness, and to raise funds for the Brandon Marshall Foundation. So, that's how this whole thing started. During my whole phase of discovery and learning about my own mental illness, my wife and I decided to refer to it as being 'solar powered'. So, that is why the whole thing with racing the sun struck me. Then, to drive on one of the most beautiful roads at night, in the dark, thus negating most of the beauty of the drive, as well as denying me any 'solar power' made it a challenge, and an opportunity to show people that they don't have to do it alone, it is okay to ask for help. What is it that Red Green always says at the end of the show? "Remember, we're in this thing together. I'm pullin' for ya".
So, yeah let's have a little fun with this. During the drive, I'll be available via Google Hangouts, aka video chat or text chat, just hit me up on my event's Google+ page, or a link HERE. Check out the foundation page here, and if you'd be so kind, check out my fundraiser for the Foundation here and consider a donation or getting someone else to donate. Either way, just pass the word, that's all I really ask. If you've made it this far, well also thank you for reading all this.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Ten
I was going to make a Monty Python reference here, but I think I'll keep that for when there are five days left. (Three sir!). So, instead a little reminder that there are 10 days before my event, and 9 days before I leave. As of this posting, we've managed 85% of our goal, so we're so very close. It is well, I'll let the Tenth Doctor say it for me:
Then there is the original impetus for this trip, the 3 boys themselves, in front of 10 Downing Street. I know, I'm stretching it a bit there, especially since you can only see the '0' in '10' but hey it is one of the more famous doors...in the world.
Again, thank you everybody so much for helping me and the Brandon Marshall Foundation spread awareness for mental health issues, and to help #ReduceStigma!
Monday, June 9, 2014
Eleven
More number references for everybody, and how could you not go to eleven? Eleven days left before my event, and well let's turn up the volume on the fundraising. You guessed it, up to 11. Please share, retweet, reblog, poke with a stick, get the volume up on helping people with mental illness, or just get the word out there. Thank you so much!
Friday, June 6, 2014
Two Weeks
For those of a certain age, or certain fandom of one Austrian bodybuilder turned actor and politician, the phrase 'Two Weeks' is one of those that will most likely conjure up images of a red-headed middle age woman traveling through security at the Mars station in the movie 'Total Recall'. The one from the '90's not the slick retelling from a few years ago. Kids, use your internet search skills.
Yes, today it is 2 weeks, 14 days from the event. Last night my co-pilot and I got together to hammer out some details that weren't really necessary to hammer out before now. The are no number nerd things today but I just wanted to get an update out there. The link to the donation page should be appearing to the right now. If not here it is https://www.crowdrise.com/solstice/fundraiser/dougstubbs
Yes, today it is 2 weeks, 14 days from the event. Last night my co-pilot and I got together to hammer out some details that weren't really necessary to hammer out before now. The are no number nerd things today but I just wanted to get an update out there. The link to the donation page should be appearing to the right now. If not here it is https://www.crowdrise.com/solstice/fundraiser/dougstubbs
Thank you again and keep getting the message out there. #ReduceStigma
Thursday, June 5, 2014
15
Fifteen days from today I leave the lovely international airport here and arrive in Los Angeles. The following day at sundown I'll drive from the Santa Monica Pier to the Golden Gate Bridge before sunrise on Sunday. I'm $175 away from my goal. Brandon Marshall's jersey/uniform number is 15. If we could find 15 people to each give $15 that would be $50 more than my goal.
These are all facts, or at least representations of facts that could be. We are 15 days away. My support driver/passenger and I are meeting tonight to finalize some things. Thoughts about the drive and preparations for it consume my thoughts that I don't get much done at work. I don't know what to say, I honestly thought I wouldn't raise much more than $0 for the whole thing, so the fact that we're this close amazes, humbles, and astonishes me.
I'm doing this for mental health awareness, but I've talked very little about why this is important to me. First of all, it's very personal to me as I've struggled with problems basically my entire life but have only begun to get treatment, because of someone who supported me, understood me, and loved me enough to help me get help and make me understand that it was okay to ask for help. She will also probably cringe at that last sentence not only because it is about her, but because it is probably not done very well grammatically speaking.
Also, having just gotten back from an impromptu trip to visit a family member who had several brain surgeries to relieve some swelling on the brain, and it was thought that he wouldn't make it. So, we flew down to see him to either say last goodbyes or just be with family. What a surprise it was that the 2nd day we were there, we actually were talking to him and get him to smile and laugh. He still has a long way to go of course, but is making great strides. While this isn't a mental illness per se, it does illustrate to me how important the brain really is. It is literally in charge of everything, including lying to you about how you look, and making you feel miserable during what should be a happy moment. So why shouldn't we take care of it in the same way we would any other physical problem? It can be helped with medication, meditation, and/or a lot of support. The first step is just to realize you can ask for help, and that it shouldn't be a problem if you need it. That was my biggest hurdle, and I don't want it to be yours.
15 days, $15, 15 people, for a foundation for #15.
These are all facts, or at least representations of facts that could be. We are 15 days away. My support driver/passenger and I are meeting tonight to finalize some things. Thoughts about the drive and preparations for it consume my thoughts that I don't get much done at work. I don't know what to say, I honestly thought I wouldn't raise much more than $0 for the whole thing, so the fact that we're this close amazes, humbles, and astonishes me.
I'm doing this for mental health awareness, but I've talked very little about why this is important to me. First of all, it's very personal to me as I've struggled with problems basically my entire life but have only begun to get treatment, because of someone who supported me, understood me, and loved me enough to help me get help and make me understand that it was okay to ask for help. She will also probably cringe at that last sentence not only because it is about her, but because it is probably not done very well grammatically speaking.
Also, having just gotten back from an impromptu trip to visit a family member who had several brain surgeries to relieve some swelling on the brain, and it was thought that he wouldn't make it. So, we flew down to see him to either say last goodbyes or just be with family. What a surprise it was that the 2nd day we were there, we actually were talking to him and get him to smile and laugh. He still has a long way to go of course, but is making great strides. While this isn't a mental illness per se, it does illustrate to me how important the brain really is. It is literally in charge of everything, including lying to you about how you look, and making you feel miserable during what should be a happy moment. So why shouldn't we take care of it in the same way we would any other physical problem? It can be helped with medication, meditation, and/or a lot of support. The first step is just to realize you can ask for help, and that it shouldn't be a problem if you need it. That was my biggest hurdle, and I don't want it to be yours.
15 days, $15, 15 people, for a foundation for #15.
Monday, May 26, 2014
Happy Memorial Day
Today as the grills heat up, baseballs get tossed around, and sunscreen gets applied, please remember to thank a veteran, a police officer, a firefighter or someone else you hold dear. Also remember to please help them get help if they need it, they don't have a problem that can't be treated, or at least relieved a little bit by a friend. Thank you, and enjoy your day.
Monday, May 19, 2014
Solstice Drive for Mental Health Awareness
Hey there you say you don't use Facebook or Google+ but you do use the tweeties? Well have I got a deal for you! I've created a tweetup type thing here: Solstice Drive for Mental Health Awareness Join us for the hangout, or come in person if you are in the Santa Monica/Los Angeles area. How awesome will that be!?
...Developing Story
I know, twice in one day is a little hard to handle, even for me. However, I want to welcome the latest member to Team 'Find A Way Through The Dark', Dr. Chris Zimmerman. He's mine and my wife's chiropractor, and I suppose our first 'Corporate Sponsor'. Thank you for all you've done for us, Dr. Zimmerman, and Go Bears!
Check out the Zimmerman Chiropractic Clinic if you are near West Des Moines at all. He's a great guy, and well since I don't have near amount of the back pain that I used to, it is a testament to him and how he's allowed me to get more active and just improve my overall health. Thanks!
Also, I don't have to worry about Brandon going to the Packers, he signed a contract extension with the Bears today on The View of all places, and pledged $1 million to the mental health community. Outstanding!
Check out the Zimmerman Chiropractic Clinic if you are near West Des Moines at all. He's a great guy, and well since I don't have near amount of the back pain that I used to, it is a testament to him and how he's allowed me to get more active and just improve my overall health. Thanks!
Also, I don't have to worry about Brandon going to the Packers, he signed a contract extension with the Bears today on The View of all places, and pledged $1 million to the mental health community. Outstanding!
Rollin' On the River
I love it when things come together.
My wife and I spent time with our mothers during Mother's Day weekend, as you would hope. With my mother, it always seems like there is something else going on, but that might be my imagination. I came from a house that struggles with expressing emotions and feelings, especially really telling someone how they really feel non-passive/aggressively, and to their face. This has become a struggle in my marriage, and well throughout my life. Former girlfriends would say things like 'You don't let me in" or "I can't get through to you". My wife and I have developed a saying that we've 'Got to let me in on the meeting" because I, have a comfortable home in my own head. It used to be a lot worse of course before identifying and getting treated for depression. I lost a couple friends over the years, and probably hadn't made a lot of good decisions. Thankfully, nothing truly violent, at least to others, and only some nights in jail due to some other bad choices involving alcohol and bad timing. Oh and parking tickets.
Then, this past weekend my wife and I spent some time with a great bunch of kids trying to make a difference in their community. Which is always spectacular, but the oldest of these is probably 16 or will be soon, and the youngest is about 10 years old. They're part of the group, Stand For The Silent in the Central Iowa chapter. The chapter was started by my sister-in-law and her daughters, and has spread through the Johnston school system, and several schools here in Polk county. They've had the founder, Kirk Smalley here in the area to speak a couple of times. I've attended the presentation in person, and man is it powerful. The whole story just guts you. The saddest thing is it can be prevented, even eliminated. Please check them out, read the message and if you can help either monetarily or just by spreading the word, please do. I know it is a good cause.
I work in root-cause-analysis at work, trying to find the base cause of an issue. Think, "its all connected' but with a purpose and less mystical voice. So, that's why when I decided to do this drive it was originally for fun to see if I could 'beat the sun' like Jeremy did. I of course am stacking the odds in my favor, but to be fair the sun is a lot bigger, hotter, and faster than any vehicle developed by man (so far). So, when I thought about doing it for charity, and then seeing Brandon Marshall's foundation working hard last fall, (remember the green shoes and the NFL fine?) it was clear. I believe most of our modern problems stem from mental health issues. Things like bullying, drug abuse, sexual abuse, and others stem from wide arrays of mental health issues, and people not being able to recognize them, or too embarrassed to seek help. Thus, Brandon's foundation was a perfect fit. It helped that he plays for the Chicago Bears, and I'm a big fan of that team as some of you know, but Brandon is the first player I would follow/cheer for even if he went to play for another team. Unless it was the Packers, of course. I mean, there's no pill that could help with that.
Fundraising update: We've officially raised 50% of my goal, with 33 days to go, so the toes will be painted soon, and for the trip. So thank you all so much!
My wife and I spent time with our mothers during Mother's Day weekend, as you would hope. With my mother, it always seems like there is something else going on, but that might be my imagination. I came from a house that struggles with expressing emotions and feelings, especially really telling someone how they really feel non-passive/aggressively, and to their face. This has become a struggle in my marriage, and well throughout my life. Former girlfriends would say things like 'You don't let me in" or "I can't get through to you". My wife and I have developed a saying that we've 'Got to let me in on the meeting" because I, have a comfortable home in my own head. It used to be a lot worse of course before identifying and getting treated for depression. I lost a couple friends over the years, and probably hadn't made a lot of good decisions. Thankfully, nothing truly violent, at least to others, and only some nights in jail due to some other bad choices involving alcohol and bad timing. Oh and parking tickets.
Then, this past weekend my wife and I spent some time with a great bunch of kids trying to make a difference in their community. Which is always spectacular, but the oldest of these is probably 16 or will be soon, and the youngest is about 10 years old. They're part of the group, Stand For The Silent in the Central Iowa chapter. The chapter was started by my sister-in-law and her daughters, and has spread through the Johnston school system, and several schools here in Polk county. They've had the founder, Kirk Smalley here in the area to speak a couple of times. I've attended the presentation in person, and man is it powerful. The whole story just guts you. The saddest thing is it can be prevented, even eliminated. Please check them out, read the message and if you can help either monetarily or just by spreading the word, please do. I know it is a good cause.
I work in root-cause-analysis at work, trying to find the base cause of an issue. Think, "its all connected' but with a purpose and less mystical voice. So, that's why when I decided to do this drive it was originally for fun to see if I could 'beat the sun' like Jeremy did. I of course am stacking the odds in my favor, but to be fair the sun is a lot bigger, hotter, and faster than any vehicle developed by man (so far). So, when I thought about doing it for charity, and then seeing Brandon Marshall's foundation working hard last fall, (remember the green shoes and the NFL fine?) it was clear. I believe most of our modern problems stem from mental health issues. Things like bullying, drug abuse, sexual abuse, and others stem from wide arrays of mental health issues, and people not being able to recognize them, or too embarrassed to seek help. Thus, Brandon's foundation was a perfect fit. It helped that he plays for the Chicago Bears, and I'm a big fan of that team as some of you know, but Brandon is the first player I would follow/cheer for even if he went to play for another team. Unless it was the Packers, of course. I mean, there's no pill that could help with that.
Fundraising update: We've officially raised 50% of my goal, with 33 days to go, so the toes will be painted soon, and for the trip. So thank you all so much!
Thursday, May 8, 2014
4+4=8
Hi there. We're 44 days away from my drive, and these past two weeks have been amazing. First of all, it is May, Mental Health Awareness month, and the OPI #CrazyStigmaGreen nail polish is available via donation at the Brandon Marshall Foundation site, here. When I ordered mine, well when I did my donations, I did two, back to back. I got an email from the CEO of the Foundation double checking that I hadn't mistakenly hit the 'donate' button twice, and wanted to make sure there wasn't a mistake. It just hit me just now that was awesome customer service, and endears me even more to the Foundation, and to Brandon Marshall himself. I responded to Louis Correa's email, assuring that it wasn't a mistake, and that I just wanted 2 bottles of the nail polish, one for me (and added a link to my fundraising site) and one for my nieces. He responded back that it was awesome what I was doing, and then said they will help promote it on their twitter (@BMFMentalHealth) account and facebook page! So that was very exciting and fulfilling. I had been worried that they wouldn't notice, which I know is silly and not the point, but you know it is still exciting anyway.
Then yesterday, my suspicions were confirmed about a family member of mine, through my Mother. I'm not going in to specifics, but basically I had to do a little educating of my Mom and that we shouldn't just 'Not talk about it' and hope he gets better, we need to stand together and reach out to him, because he needs help. I was lucky, I have a strong (willed) wife that helped me realize what was going on, and supported me in my treatment and diagnosis. I probably wouldn't be here at all without her support, let alone strong enough to confront my Mother about mental health awareness, and fight for my family member. She doesn't like me talking about that, because she feels terrible about not being able to go with me on the drive. I keep telling her that she is always with me, and during the drive, she'll be right there with me as I drive along the coast, because she's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Thank you again, and try to help spread the word. No one should have to suffer alone, especially family. Oh, and the reason for today's title: we're 44 days away, 4+4=8=The most important number to myself and my wife. We were married on 08/08/08, both of our birthdays are in August (the 8th month) and well, it's just a good number. 2 cubed and all that.
Then yesterday, my suspicions were confirmed about a family member of mine, through my Mother. I'm not going in to specifics, but basically I had to do a little educating of my Mom and that we shouldn't just 'Not talk about it' and hope he gets better, we need to stand together and reach out to him, because he needs help. I was lucky, I have a strong (willed) wife that helped me realize what was going on, and supported me in my treatment and diagnosis. I probably wouldn't be here at all without her support, let alone strong enough to confront my Mother about mental health awareness, and fight for my family member. She doesn't like me talking about that, because she feels terrible about not being able to go with me on the drive. I keep telling her that she is always with me, and during the drive, she'll be right there with me as I drive along the coast, because she's the best thing that ever happened to me.
Thank you again, and try to help spread the word. No one should have to suffer alone, especially family. Oh, and the reason for today's title: we're 44 days away, 4+4=8=The most important number to myself and my wife. We were married on 08/08/08, both of our birthdays are in August (the 8th month) and well, it's just a good number. 2 cubed and all that.
Monday, April 28, 2014
The Spirit of Iowa
Over the weekend, I found myself watching 'cheesy' movies, as my wife put it. It was a mostly rainy weekend, and other than getting some much needed yard work done on Saturday, the rest of the weekend was much better suited indoors or as a duck. The first movie I caught the latter part of was the classic 'The Spirit of St. Louis' starring James Stewart in another one of his iconic roles. I hadn't seen the movie since my early teens when it was on cable a lot, when there were just a few 'classic' movies. I decided to watch it, because I have a weakness for Jimmy Stewart movies for some reason. OK, for those that don't know how to use IMdB or a search engine, the movie is about the life and times of Charles Lindbergh leading up to and including his historic first Trans-Atlantic flight from New York to Paris in 1927. As I watched, I couldn't help but draw some similarities and of course vast differences between my trip and Lindbergh's. He was pretty much doing his trip to prove it could be done, and to win a cash prize, similar to what the 'X-prize' is today. He flew alone, reckoned by the stars at some point, and used a periscope to see out of the front of the airplane. There was a lot of thought when they built the plane to lightness to save fuel and such. The entire flight took 33.5 hours, of Lindbergh already having not slept several days before the flight take off.
I, however will be going on a road many have gone on before, with my friend Kirsten, in a car complete with GPS, cell phones, and a big wide windshield to look out of. I'm doing it because I can, not because nobody told me I couldn't. Well, other than that old voice inside my head that always tells me I can't do things. However, with time and treatments, that voice has become a lot smaller and less believable because of the support of my friends and family, and especially my wife. The thing I am most concerned about is of course staying awake the entire time at night, but hey I'll have a lot of stuff to do, as well as someone to talk to. Thanks again, and remember to get your nail polish on Thursday!
I, however will be going on a road many have gone on before, with my friend Kirsten, in a car complete with GPS, cell phones, and a big wide windshield to look out of. I'm doing it because I can, not because nobody told me I couldn't. Well, other than that old voice inside my head that always tells me I can't do things. However, with time and treatments, that voice has become a lot smaller and less believable because of the support of my friends and family, and especially my wife. The thing I am most concerned about is of course staying awake the entire time at night, but hey I'll have a lot of stuff to do, as well as someone to talk to. Thanks again, and remember to get your nail polish on Thursday!
Friday, April 25, 2014
57 Days!
57 Days until the Sun is going down! No, that's not right, well, sort of. 57 days and I'll be racing the sun in California. Over the last few days it has come to hit me that I'm actually doing it, and it is going to be work. Up until this point I'd been thinking it will be just fun, and I felt guilty because I was sort of treating it like a vacation, but not. I haven't planned doing much else out there but the drive, but I'm staying 6 days, though most of those will be spent between San Francisco and Los Angeles. In other words, it is getting real.
I've contacted a couple media outlets to help get out the word, but haven't heard anything back yet, and got turned away from one. So, it's up to me to get things done, and I have to come up with a plan. Some things are jiggling through my brain, but nothing concrete yet.
I want to thank everyone that's donated so far, and thank anyone that has spread the word of what I'm doing. Every little bit helps, even if you just tell one person that already knew about it. Because now they now you know about it. You know?
#RemoveStigma
I've contacted a couple media outlets to help get out the word, but haven't heard anything back yet, and got turned away from one. So, it's up to me to get things done, and I have to come up with a plan. Some things are jiggling through my brain, but nothing concrete yet.
I want to thank everyone that's donated so far, and thank anyone that has spread the word of what I'm doing. Every little bit helps, even if you just tell one person that already knew about it. Because now they now you know about it. You know?
#RemoveStigma
Thursday, April 10, 2014
A Little Color for the Cause
Good news!
So, for the month of May, the Brandon Marshall Foundation website will have a link to buy a special OPI fingernail polish for Mental Health Awareness Month, called CrazyStigmaGreen. My wife loves OPI nail polish, and swears by it. I like it because they have fun colors, and they seem to be a good quality product. Anyway...I have an announcement to make.
Currently, we've raised $275 for the Brandon Marshall Foundation, which is fantastic, but I think we can do better. So, I'd like to throw out a challenge. If we can raise $500 before my trip, I will have my toenails painted with the CrazyStigmaGreen for my trip, and I'll record it for posterity, and post it here for all to see. If we reach my goal of $1000 before the trip, not only will my toes be painted, but I'll get my fingernails done as well. Which will also be recorded. So, if you've been on the fence about donating, or know someone out there who is, get them in on the fun.
So, for the month of May, the Brandon Marshall Foundation website will have a link to buy a special OPI fingernail polish for Mental Health Awareness Month, called CrazyStigmaGreen. My wife loves OPI nail polish, and swears by it. I like it because they have fun colors, and they seem to be a good quality product. Anyway...I have an announcement to make.
Currently, we've raised $275 for the Brandon Marshall Foundation, which is fantastic, but I think we can do better. So, I'd like to throw out a challenge. If we can raise $500 before my trip, I will have my toenails painted with the CrazyStigmaGreen for my trip, and I'll record it for posterity, and post it here for all to see. If we reach my goal of $1000 before the trip, not only will my toes be painted, but I'll get my fingernails done as well. Which will also be recorded. So, if you've been on the fence about donating, or know someone out there who is, get them in on the fun.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
I Got Hugged Today
...but not in the way you think.
Tonight my partner in crime and I went out on a mission to scout out some vehicles for our drive this summer. After the epic fail of my honesty on Monday, we decided to say that we were looking at the differences between two cars, and let the salesman make all the assumptions. To catch you up, or perhaps involve you in the meeting, my last outing left me doubting my intention of getting a convertible for the trip, and going with a more gentle, long road trip cruiser. Well, thanks to our friends at the new car dealership, I believe we've made a good decision. So, the reservation with our friends at Hertz is set, and let's just say I think we made a good decision.
The safety features on this car are legendary, and the comfort of it will keep us both at ease for the 9 hour trip. Plus it should have enough technological toys to keep me interested and entertained the entire time. Yeah, we decided on an E-Class. When we got in, the seat firms itself up, and the seat belt tightens up a little bit because as the salesman explained, that when it detects an impact, the seat gets to a proper crash position, and the seatbelt snugs up to freeze you in to the seat and supposedly limit the impact on the driver and passengers. There were several other odd features that seemed so incredible that I can't really describe them. I can sum it up with this little tale; We were testing out the spaciousness of this model compared to the other (smaller) one, specifically if/how our elbows wouldn't bump in to each other very readily. This particular model of car has an armrest that splits open a lot like the Ghostbusters containment module (look it up, kids) in the middle, so when it was closed there was a bit of a crack. So, when the dealer heard us talking about the amount of space, he said, "Yeah and if you cross over the gap there you get a little shock." I looked at him, and semi-seriously say, "With the list of the other features you've gone over, I'm not entirely sure if you're kidding or not.". He of course was kidding, but the car is German made after all.
So, anyway, I'm glad to have that part settled, and our travel plans are firmed up, and things are looking good. Now to focus more on promotion and awareness. I'll be travelling next week for work, so update frequency may change. Not sure if it will be more or less. Depends how bored I get in the hotel. Again, thank you for watching.
Tonight my partner in crime and I went out on a mission to scout out some vehicles for our drive this summer. After the epic fail of my honesty on Monday, we decided to say that we were looking at the differences between two cars, and let the salesman make all the assumptions. To catch you up, or perhaps involve you in the meeting, my last outing left me doubting my intention of getting a convertible for the trip, and going with a more gentle, long road trip cruiser. Well, thanks to our friends at the new car dealership, I believe we've made a good decision. So, the reservation with our friends at Hertz is set, and let's just say I think we made a good decision.
The safety features on this car are legendary, and the comfort of it will keep us both at ease for the 9 hour trip. Plus it should have enough technological toys to keep me interested and entertained the entire time. Yeah, we decided on an E-Class. When we got in, the seat firms itself up, and the seat belt tightens up a little bit because as the salesman explained, that when it detects an impact, the seat gets to a proper crash position, and the seatbelt snugs up to freeze you in to the seat and supposedly limit the impact on the driver and passengers. There were several other odd features that seemed so incredible that I can't really describe them. I can sum it up with this little tale; We were testing out the spaciousness of this model compared to the other (smaller) one, specifically if/how our elbows wouldn't bump in to each other very readily. This particular model of car has an armrest that splits open a lot like the Ghostbusters containment module (look it up, kids) in the middle, so when it was closed there was a bit of a crack. So, when the dealer heard us talking about the amount of space, he said, "Yeah and if you cross over the gap there you get a little shock." I looked at him, and semi-seriously say, "With the list of the other features you've gone over, I'm not entirely sure if you're kidding or not.". He of course was kidding, but the car is German made after all.
So, anyway, I'm glad to have that part settled, and our travel plans are firmed up, and things are looking good. Now to focus more on promotion and awareness. I'll be travelling next week for work, so update frequency may change. Not sure if it will be more or less. Depends how bored I get in the hotel. Again, thank you for watching.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Drive on
Good news!
The donations keep on coming in, and I'm starting to get some things finalized. I want to make up a flyer/poster/card thing to maybe strategically place around. Since I like to obsess about details, and I consider it a good quality, I wanted to 'sample' drive some examples of the cars I was thinking of renting while in California this summer. In order of preference they were a Corvette, Mustang, and Camaro, all convertibles. They're all convertibles, because I've always wanted to drive a convertible on the PCH, and it ties in to the whole 'solar powered' part of my personality. So, after doing a quick search on cars.com, I found a few samples of Corvettes and Camaro's, the best selection being at a certain dealer in Ankeny. So I headed there to the used (Excuse me, 'Pre-Owned') side, and told my story, what I was doing and why. It was cold out and I had to pee, so maybe I was talking a little fast. Anyway, they brought me inside, the salesman talked to his manager person, which I thought funny. All I wanted to do was sit in them, and possibly drive them a little bit to see how rough the ride might be. After what seemed like a long discussion, they came back out and said I couldn't even sit in them.
So...I went to another dealer lot, still gave my spiel, but I didn't ask to drive one until after I had sat in the Corvette. They said no, because I wasn't a buying customer, which I was fine with, because he at least gave me a reason. Anyway, I decided that a Corvette is not the car for this trip, and probably not for me at all ever. They do say never meet your heroes. I'm an American, so the Corvette was one of my cars that I've always wanted, before my tinkle was fully developed so to speak. The 2nd dealer also said that I wouldn't want a Camaro, either because the sightlines are so terrible on it, especially in the blind spots. Which wouldn't matter as much on the PCH trip, but driving in and around the cities, it could become an issue. He also advised me that if I wanted to drive one, go to the new dealer lot, they are a little more liberal with the test drives. So, now I'm back to a Ford Mustang convertible, the Mustang shares an anniversary this year with the PCH itself, so there's that. I'm also trying to figure out if I want to ditch the convertible plan and go for the 'Grand Touring' type car in a sedan/coupe and such.
So, some things to do, but for the first time I actually feel happy in my job, and my life for the first time in my memory.
The donations keep on coming in, and I'm starting to get some things finalized. I want to make up a flyer/poster/card thing to maybe strategically place around. Since I like to obsess about details, and I consider it a good quality, I wanted to 'sample' drive some examples of the cars I was thinking of renting while in California this summer. In order of preference they were a Corvette, Mustang, and Camaro, all convertibles. They're all convertibles, because I've always wanted to drive a convertible on the PCH, and it ties in to the whole 'solar powered' part of my personality. So, after doing a quick search on cars.com, I found a few samples of Corvettes and Camaro's, the best selection being at a certain dealer in Ankeny. So I headed there to the used (Excuse me, 'Pre-Owned') side, and told my story, what I was doing and why. It was cold out and I had to pee, so maybe I was talking a little fast. Anyway, they brought me inside, the salesman talked to his manager person, which I thought funny. All I wanted to do was sit in them, and possibly drive them a little bit to see how rough the ride might be. After what seemed like a long discussion, they came back out and said I couldn't even sit in them.
So...I went to another dealer lot, still gave my spiel, but I didn't ask to drive one until after I had sat in the Corvette. They said no, because I wasn't a buying customer, which I was fine with, because he at least gave me a reason. Anyway, I decided that a Corvette is not the car for this trip, and probably not for me at all ever. They do say never meet your heroes. I'm an American, so the Corvette was one of my cars that I've always wanted, before my tinkle was fully developed so to speak. The 2nd dealer also said that I wouldn't want a Camaro, either because the sightlines are so terrible on it, especially in the blind spots. Which wouldn't matter as much on the PCH trip, but driving in and around the cities, it could become an issue. He also advised me that if I wanted to drive one, go to the new dealer lot, they are a little more liberal with the test drives. So, now I'm back to a Ford Mustang convertible, the Mustang shares an anniversary this year with the PCH itself, so there's that. I'm also trying to figure out if I want to ditch the convertible plan and go for the 'Grand Touring' type car in a sedan/coupe and such.
So, some things to do, but for the first time I actually feel happy in my job, and my life for the first time in my memory.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
There is Awesome In the World
A couple of weeks ago, an incident happened here at work where a coworker had a reaction to some medication he was taking or something, and long story short he basically had a panic attack. It was a tense few minutes here in our workplace, but we got it handled, and there were some lessons learned. After the coworker was helped out to his car by our security staff, there were some comments being made about the coworker and the situation. I don't remember exactly what the comments were, but they did upset me enough to send out a message to our immediate team, and the team that this coworker was part of. I added some links to the NAMI site, and also one to my Crowdrise page. I got some comments at work after I sent my email that some people realized they had said some off color things, and that they were surprised it came from me. My message started off with 'It could have been me', and explained how I was dealing with my own mental illness.
Anyway, after sending the links, I did get some hits on fundraising which is awesome. I'm currently up to 25% of my goal, with three months to go. So thank you for that, it is 25% more than I thought I'd get at all.
Today is of course the equinox, which means we are in spring. One more season until I start my drive. I've been messing around with Google maps street view, to get somewhat familiarized with the route, and just for something to do. I'm weird like that. I also have set up a Facebook event to meet up on the Santa Monica Pier before we leave, a sort of launch party so to speak. IF you want added in on that, just let me know in some comments. I'll also start updating this more often. Thanks again, and keep being awesome!
Anyway, after sending the links, I did get some hits on fundraising which is awesome. I'm currently up to 25% of my goal, with three months to go. So thank you for that, it is 25% more than I thought I'd get at all.
Today is of course the equinox, which means we are in spring. One more season until I start my drive. I've been messing around with Google maps street view, to get somewhat familiarized with the route, and just for something to do. I'm weird like that. I also have set up a Facebook event to meet up on the Santa Monica Pier before we leave, a sort of launch party so to speak. IF you want added in on that, just let me know in some comments. I'll also start updating this more often. Thanks again, and keep being awesome!
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Good advice
Last week, I had scheduled a get-together with my 'co-driver' for the event in June. Since it was January, and we live in Iowa, a snow-storm made the face-to-face meeting unwise. I'd wanted to try and use Google's 'Hangouts' function anyway to see how well it would work for using during the drive. It seemed to work pretty well, I just need to figure out how to schedule one for a certain time and make it a 'on air' event so anybody can join it.
While planning this meeting, I got some good advice, or at least a reminder from my wife that this whole endeavor should remain fun, and not to get too hung up on the publicity, and the rest. I can't make everybody donate, but if I help one person, then it was good enough for me.
While planning this meeting, I got some good advice, or at least a reminder from my wife that this whole endeavor should remain fun, and not to get too hung up on the publicity, and the rest. I can't make everybody donate, but if I help one person, then it was good enough for me.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
On the Move
No, it isn't a post about me taking up a new exercise plan. At least not yet. I've managed to enlist the help of someone to come along with me on this journey since my original partner can't make it. Not sure if I'd covered that or not yet. I don't need to remind you that I need to write on this more often. Anyway.
The astute observer will see there's a link on the side of the page to 'Donate'. Don't worry, this isn't an ad for revenue on this pokey blog, but the donations go through a website Crowdrise to the foundation directly. Otherwise, you can just work up donations to the foundation itself via their website Here.
I've got the plane tickets and other such stuff booked, so the trip is on either way, I'll be doing it either way, I just want to bring attention to a good cause. So please tell your friends, tell anybody you know in either Los Angeles or San Francisco, it would be great to see some friendly faces in either or both locations, as well as raise money for this cause. All is appreciated!
The astute observer will see there's a link on the side of the page to 'Donate'. Don't worry, this isn't an ad for revenue on this pokey blog, but the donations go through a website Crowdrise to the foundation directly. Otherwise, you can just work up donations to the foundation itself via their website Here.
I've got the plane tickets and other such stuff booked, so the trip is on either way, I'll be doing it either way, I just want to bring attention to a good cause. So please tell your friends, tell anybody you know in either Los Angeles or San Francisco, it would be great to see some friendly faces in either or both locations, as well as raise money for this cause. All is appreciated!
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